5TH - 9TH OF OCTOBER
all of what you are about to read is true….
Sunday
I arrived at David’s flat at about 4:15 am, he asked if I could get there early just to check that he had everything.
When I arrived he was up and ready and very exited.
He had made himself a packed lunch for the train
(4 ham rolls, 4 bags of crisps and a carton of orange)
And had packed his bag (large rucksack)
He had put his holiday money and passport in the front of his bag, so it was easily accessible.
Leo arrived at about 4:45 and we was both outside ready and waiting.
The journey was good; Leo had a good chat with David,
And kept saying “if we get lost its David’s fault because he hasn’t read the map”, which David found amusing.
We stopped about 20 minutes outside London for a coffee, which Leo brought.
It was in the service station where we encountered our first discovery.
Automatic taps
After the routine loo break David was humoured by the taps, having an automatic sensor.
No on or off, just put your hands under and on they came.
It was still very early in the morning and the service station was very quiet…until now.
David laughed, for a good 20 minutes.
Putting his hands under the taps and pulling them away quick again.
We got lots of strange looks when we walked out, but who cares.
There are so many things that we take for granted, and it isn’t until these things are seen through the eyes of a blind person that they can be appreciated.
We reached London, but had great difficulty finding the Thames!
We stopped and asked directions to waterloo about 4 times.
We past nearly every landmark in London which was good, so I was busy manualing and telling David as much as I could.
We got stuck in traffic near Westminster Bridge, right in view of David Blaine; he was just waking up.
So I told David about the magic man in the box, he was very interested
And asked lots of questions.
He asked, “ why he do it” and I said, “ I don’t know”.
We made it to the station, and David offered Leo £20 for taking him, but Leo refused.
So of we struggled to the check in desk to hopefully pick up our holiday confirmation and eurostar tickets.
We queued for about 10 minutes
And when we arrived at the desk I told the lady our situation and she found our holiday confirmation and then said the magic words
“ But you are not travelling until tomorrow”
“Pardon” I said
“ Your confirmation sheet sir says you are not travelling until the 6th, I can get you there today but it will cost you another 240 Euro.
I was trying to let David know what was happening without showing signs of stress and anger.
I explained there had been a mistake, I got my copy of the confirmation
Out of my bag which was faxed to me on the Friday 3rd October
(Due to original holiday confirmations being sent to the wrong address, twice this happened!)
And it read the 6th!
I had not bothered to look at this before as I had booked the holiday in July with a reputable company and expected no problems.
So I asked to use the phone and I rang the companies emergency help line.
Being as assertive as I could be at 8 in the morning I politely explained the mess we were in, the lady took our holiday ref. number.
She asked me the dates I booked, so I told her the 5th till the 9th Oct and I told her the price I was quoted.
She then said the price I was quoted was wrong and that price was for 3 nights and not for 4.
She said that there had obviously been a mistake on there part, and that I was not to worry she would sort it out, and there would be no more money to pay.
She would ring Disney and settle the problem…
So I explained all this to David, it was a relief to both of us, I said to David there is always problems when you go on holiday but nothing that we cant handle!
I text Val and told her what had happened, already, we hadn’t left the country yet!
On we went through customs, this was fun, I explained to david about what was going to happen and that we would have to put our bags through a machine and walk through a door and be checked.
The security didn’t seem to grasp the fact that if a person is deaf and blind it means they cant see or hear! They kept talking to him and asking him to move forward and hurry up, and I said he is deaf, he cant hear you!
But they still kept talking to him.
I went through then went back for David.
We collected our luggage and struggled through the crowds of people just standing in the way, and walked to the area near where our train was going to depart and found a seat.
David made his not happy, worried face, the one like a fish! I asked him what was up, and he said he had left his packed lunch in the customs machine!
So back we went 3 bags, a video camera and a deafblind person.
We found his lunch and returned back to our seats.
We used the toilets before we boarded the train these to had automatic sensor taps so David was happy.
We sat and had a chat before boarding the train it was very busy.
It amazed me how much the manual gets peoples attention.
And because of this I knew that we were not going to have any trouble meeting people on our holiday.
We sat in a carriage with 4 other women, we was sat behind them.
David was constantly asking me what was out the window.
So I told him, as much as I could considering the speed we was going
(186mph)
He ate all of his lunch on the way there, fat piggy!
He kept asking if I could see any animals out of the window
Baring in mind the train was reasonably quiets… until now.
When I said cows David would moo!
And if I said pigs he would oink!
And so on. old Macdonald would have been proud!
This made the women in front jump, and look round to see why they could hear moo-in?
So that broke the ice!
They said they were intrigued by what we were doing.
(The mannualing, not the moo-in!)
It turned out they was part of large group of travel agents who was of to eurodisney on a training seminar.
They got chatting to us, and made contact with David, hand on hand.
Meanwhile to Disney reps was walking up and down the train giving out goody bags for the kids, so of course I asked for 2, and I told them our situation and they said it wouldn’t be a problem.
IM not sure if they were anything to do with the hotel, but who cares I just needed the reassurance.
We finally arrived, after 3 hours of various animal noises! The ladies in our carriage wished us a nice time and said bye to David.
We caught a bus to the hotel, I said to David “ we’ll wait here for a bus”
He asked” where to”
I said “back to rainbow court”
He said “ no” and laughed.
We reached the hotel santa-fe and joined the Que. of about 40 people all waiting to get booked in.
A man noticed us and came and saw us straight away.
I once again explained the nightmare of a situation we was in, he took us straight to the front of the Que., and the lady took our details and once again said the magic words
“You are not supposed to be here until tomorrow”
Here we go again!
The lady’s English was about as good as my French, so they got somebody else who spoke English very well, and I explained the whole thing from start to finish again!
In between talking to nearly every person who worked behind the reception, I was also telling david what was happening, he didn’t seem bothered, he had found a cactus, and various other things he had not encountered before, and was generally having a good feel about.
After 20 minutes we was told to take a seat and as soon as they could find out what was going on from our holiday company they would come and let us know.
1 hour passed and I requested to see the manager, as I was getting fed up and David had started doing his deaf voice rendition of “ bare necessities!”
The manager apologised for the trouble, I said it was not there fault.
And that our holiday company told me this morning they would ring you and sort out the problem that they have made.
The manager said he has had no phone calls from leisure direct, and that he has tried ringing them but there was no answer.
He then mentioned that this has happened before with the same company.
He said all that he could do was offer us a room at a discount price of 98 Euro. (A bit different to 240!)
I then relayed all this to David and I suggested that we went half each.
To be quite honest that was the only option…what else was we to do? Apart from find a large box under a big tree!
Once again David didn’t seem to let anything get him down and agreed to go half’s with me.
(Which was amazing considering this was David we was talking about, your lucky if he offers you a mint let alone 50 Euro)
So that’s what we did.
We was told we could not use the parks until tomorrow, but there was enough for us to be getting on with, including an early night!
They gave our breakfast pass for the next day, which was at 7:30
And we was to pop back tomorrow morning to collect our park passes.
I text Val again and asked if we could have some more money sent up
As we was both a bit short.
She said she would sort something out and let me know.
So at last after a good two hours of stress and confusion we was on our way, we had a hotel room, a sore throat, and 200 Euro left between us!
But we were there, and there was nothing else that was going to get in our way.
Our hotel room was about a 2-minute walk from the main reception
And also on a ground floor.
I showed David the key and it was a key-card! Which was David’s 2nd discovery.
Key card
I showed him what to do, so he could get in the room on his own.
Getting the card in the slot proved to be a bit of a mission, but it didn’t take David long.
Obviously david could not see the green light flash when the card went in and the door unlocked, so he would have to put his face up against the door and he would feel it click.
The room was great and very well set out, I put my orientation skills to use, and told david where everything was, he said he wanted to have a look round on his own.
Once again he didn’t take long for him to familiarise himself with the room layout.
We both unpacked, David was very exited and wanted to go out and explore straight away.
I was very concerned when David produced a large piglet from his bag,
Which led me to wonder what he had actually packed, and where was it all!
But like Mary poppins he then produced his 3 jumpers, 2 t-shirts, 2 pairs of jeans and underwear!
The weather was fine, it wasn’t a bad day, a bit cold but very bright.
I showed him around the hotel grounds, and I tried to explain the Mexican theme.
There was cars sticking out of the ground, a huge adventure playground that we both went on, of course.
There were big exotic plants, lots of life size models of animals hidden among the foliage, and behind our hotel block was a huge u.f.o! Sticking out of the ground, like it had crashed, so that took some explaining.
We wondered across to the hotel Cheyenne, which was a cowboy style hotel next to ours, just across a bridge.
This was great; the advantage we had with the Disney hotels was that everything was themed
Thus tactile played a very important part of the holiday.
Which proved to be a bonus, because there was always something for us to do, even when the rides were closed.
David had a great thirst for information, as always, and wanted to feel everything at once, we found some tee-pees, a horse made out of straw, and an old horse drawn carriage, minus the horse.
This was the ideal place for David to show of his animal noise skills and in finding the front of the carriage and where the horse would go; he started neighing and clip clopping like a horse!
We then moved on to the next hotel, more or less touching everything as we went.
Including horse troth, saloon doors, and various different textures underfoot, i.e.: sand, wood, stones, etc
I was lucky that david had this thirst, because there was so much to see and tell him, as the interest and want was there from his side, that was half the battle.
We walked towards the Disney village, which was a large shopping area with, live music and restaurants, and plenty to see and do.
This area proved to be a popular haunt as we would pass through there first thing in the morning on the way into the park, and last thing at night on our way home.
David was incredibly exited, and was doing that thing that only David does when he’s happy.
To be honest he hadn’t stopped doing it since 5 that morning.
We went in every shop, and felt absolutely everything from a 6-foot monkey - to slippers shaped like pigs!
David was taking in everything I was telling him, and every new discovery led to a whole new batch of questions.
We tried on lots of various hats; David looked for models he could maybe use as inspiration for his clay work.
We went on a skateboard arcade game which David was impressed with, and this was something he could do on his own.
We had a dance to the live band, he felt all the celebrity hand prints in the wall by planet Hollywood.
I read him every menu from each of the 8 restaurants!
Which lead to me explaining a lot of food, which he did not know about, and had never tried.
I showed him the rainforest café which is a restaurant set out like a jungle, with animatronic animals which move on a timer, including life-size gorillas and elephants!
This was somewhere we would have to come back and eat; this had David written all over it.
After a long night of exploring we ended up in good old McDonalds
The bonus being that they had a completely different menu to the UK
Which was good, and cheap.
Now who would have thought that David would find his 3rd discovery in McDonalds?
The way the French make tea
He asked for a cup of tea, but in France they give you a cup of hot water, another cup with milk in, and a tea bag!
I took the tray to the table, and David being David found what he thought was his tea, and had a drink
Suprised it was just hot water! He sprayed it all over the table, making the fries all soggy!
I explained how they serve tea in France and I showed him what he was given, and once again he quickly adapted and made the tea, no problem.
He found this very strange, but also very funny.
He said, “French people not know how to make tea”
We both had a big meal, and tried some new food.
We started to make our way back to the hotel,
Still feeling things on the way.
Including, remote control lorry’s, really big oversize seats, a small land train, and an attraction where you wear like a big harness around your waist (like a nappy) and it is attached to elastic, and you get launched into the air and bounce up and down.
David liked the idea of wearing a nappy, but I advised him not to bounce after a McDonalds!
David was very aware of his money situation, and did not spend anymore than he had to until he knew what was happening with the 98 Euro we had paid out.
Which was good, it showed me he was constantly planning ahead and working things out.
When we got back David had a bath and lay in bed doing his happy thing (still)
I told him that I would wake him up about 7, and then get ready for breakfast
He thanked me for a nice day, which was nice
And laid in bed smiling until he eventually dropped of to sleep.
I then had a bath and put the video camera on charge ready for tomorrow.
After the day I had had, all the hassle seemed to have been wiped away by watching David explore, and appreciate the smallest of things.
It made me feel privileged and honoured in a way, that I had been the lucky one who had been chosen to introduce him to the world of Disney.
(Despite the large amount of stress I had encountered)
So of to bed I went, another big day tomorrow.
I Got to bed about 12:30,
So much for the early night!
Monday
I was awoke Monday morning by a very strange noise, I turned to look and to my suprise david was sitting on the end of his bed in his pants, doing that happy thing he does!
I got up and said, “ do you know what time it is monkey face!”
“No” he said, with a huge grin
With which I replied “its 5 ‘o clock in the morning!”
He said “ IM not sure why IM up, I cant sleep “
I said, “ you’re exited “
With this he let out a huge roar of laughter , followed by a moo and disappeared into the bathroom!
I often try and put myself in David’s shoes, but at this particular time I really could not begin to imagine what David was thinking, or expecting.
I knew that our first day in the park was going to be the icing on the cake, and would unlock a lot of doors for david and answer a lot of questions I expect his mind has been asking.
Taking into account his knowledge of Disney until about 3 months ago was nil!
There was no recollection of films or anything at all, even Mickey Mouse!
There is only so much I could tell him, he also frequently visited the Disney shop (so frequently he can now recognise the Disney shop by smell!) this was good as it allowed david to find out more things for himself.
He asked me if the Disney animals were real?
And guessed that Mickey Mouse would be about a foot tall?
I had my work cut out, and I wasn’t really keen on telling him they were people dressed up!
Back to the plot…
We both got washed and dressed; David had worked out the layout of the room like a glove and confidently moved around without any problems at all.
We made or way to the main reception.
The weather was a bit grim, but our spirits were high.
As we left our room David offered me a sweet, followed by another roar of laughter.
Before we left Peterborough Cathy had warned me that David had been to the joke shop and brought some trick sweets, so I was vaguely prepared.
So I played along and said thank you very much.
Well I must say I have NEVER tasted anything so fowl in my life!
David could feel my reaction, and was laughing so hard we both nearly fell into the bushes.
The sweet turned out to be garlic, but tasted like nothing I have tasted before.
It made my eyes water and no amount of toothpaste or bleach would remove the taste for the rest of the week!
We arrived at reception to be greeted by staff
“ Good morning David!” they said
How did they do that?
How did they know David was David?
This place was fantastic
We collected out park passes and made our way to the restaurant via the shop.
Trying to sneak past David stopped me and recognised the smell!
“ Shop “ he said
So in we went, and had a good look round.
David was a bit confused with regards to the Euro and its worth, so I told him prices of things in our currency (roughly)
Which helped a lot.
It’s hard enough when you can see…
We must have spent at least 50% of the holiday in the Disney shops; they proved to be a great source for David’s thirst of discovery,
And also assist with his planning.
I would watch him explore, he would use both hands, one to the right and one to the left, he would also use his feet, and of course his nose.
All at once!
So in theory he would be looking at up to 4 things at a time.
The Disney shop would be an everyday occurrence and he would find something new every visit.
He was determined to find a piglet hat, which we found, eventually.
Into breakfast we went it was very quiet which was good and allowed me to show David the food and the layout of things.
I told him what there was, the found a table and sat him down.
And went back for our breakfast.
Despite me telling him what there was he asked me for toast?
Which I told him they haven’t got
Then he asked for egg
Which again I told him they haven’t got
Then he asked me for bacon…
And so on…
So I reminded him what they had, and he opted for branflakes!
There was no way he would have ham or cheese, not for breakfast, don’t be silly.
He wanted a coffee and an orange juice.
The lady serving come up to me and gave me a Mickey Mouse toy and said, “ would your friend like this”
So I asked David and of course he said yes
“Thank you “ looking very impressed.
I took David his drinks and branflakes, and gave him his toy.
Which he smelt for ages?
I went back and got my breakfast and some spare provisions for our picnic.
In the distance I could hear David laughing as he looked at his toy.
After breakfast david helped me make up some rolls (4 ham and 4 cheese) which we would put in a bag and take to the park with us to save a bit of money on food, and David was exited at the thought of a picnic.
David did the cutting and buttering, and I did the filling and packing.
As we made our way back to our room
(David wanted to clean his teeth.)
We passed through the reception area where there was a lot of commotion.
There was a photographer and hundreds of children everywhere.
I found us a seat and explained to David how busy it was.
Before I got a chance to finish my sentence, out of nowhere appeared mini mouse, she walked straight through the crowds and grabbed David’s hand.
David was a bit confused but none the less he followed where the hand led him.
I explained it was minnie mouse, but there was not much of a reaction, it all happened a bit quickly.
David had his photo taken, and I introduced David to minnie.
As soon as I mentioned he was blind, minnies hands automatically grabbed David’s and guided them to features, i.e.: - ears, eyes, nose.
It was fantastic to watch, they has obviously been very well trained.
And david enjoyed this a lot, he gave minnie a kiss and was laughing for ages.
Back to our room we went , david was very exited now and thinking about his first encounter with minnie ( he was doing his happy thing! )
I gave him the key and he opened our room door.
He cleaned his teeth and we walked back to catch the bus.
The bus’s was every 10 minutes , they was infact 2 buses joined together , which was strange.
And they went extremely fast , so I warned david to hold on tight.
The seating plan on the bus was very different to the way our buses are seated , david found this funny.
He had a seat on his own behind the door , he said he felt like he was on the toilet!
So we was on our way to Disneyland , the bus was very crowded with lots of people , most of them watching me and david.
When we arrived at the park , we was told that it wasn’t open for another hour , then a man came and told us that we could go in if we wished and have a feel about before it got busy.
This was a bonus , there was hundreds of people queuing and in we went ,we was the first into the park.
When we got inside , it hit me ,I had not really thought about how I was going to explain everything considering the amount there is to see. I didn’t know really where to start ,the man who had let us in came and told us to go to the town hall and get a facility pass , this would allow me and david to access the rides straight away without queuing.
We was greeted in the town hall with a
“ good morning david”
good grief , was there anyone here who didn't know us?
They gave david a book to read while I filled in a form.
The book was in Braille , and had lots of embossed pictures in.
this was good to see , david was very content , and at last able to access some information on Disney on his own.
As we left the town hall we was greeted by Mickey mouse who was being driven around in his car.
The car stopped and Mickey got out and shook David’s hand.
This was a lot to take in , even for me.
Then Mickey took hold of David’s hand started doing what looked like manual!
David gave Mickey a kiss and he got back in his car and drove off.
I said to david “ did he manual to you”
“yes “ he said “ he said hello “
it wasn’t even 9 am and I was nearly in tears!
How good was that , I could not believe it.
The park was still quiet , and did not open to the public for another hour.
It was Halloween and there was pumpkins everywhere.
I tried to show david as much as I could , there was models of people everywhere around the Disney village , of people with pumpkin heads.
Each one up to something different.
So these was a good place to start.
We worked our way up one side of main street and back down the other.
David was busy exploring and was manualing to me what he found.
It shocked me how much we take for granted , we was ages looking and things , and getting so much benefit , because of this.
Where as a sighted person would just look and walk away.
Up and down we went making the most of out hour , we felt everything from cobblestones to 60 foot high pumpkins!
We found a model of a lady with a pumpkin head sitting on a bench ,not mentioning this to david I asked him if he wanted a rest and showed him to the seat.
David's hands started to wonder and soon found a model sitting next to him and that she had breasts!
He laughed and said “ it like jenny “.
I made a joke and said she was his girlfriend , and we went to see her everyday , she was always there waiting for david.
By now the park was open , there was people everywhere.
We had a good look about and absorbed the atmosphere , I asked david if he wanted to try a ride , with an exited nod he agreed.
I had done a bit of research before hand and looked into the different feelings by a deafblind person acquired when on certain rides.
I was a bit nervous because once you are on a ride , that’s it!
So I was dubious at first , but learnt from each new experience
we started in discovery land and went on the star wars simulator.
I thought this would be good as there was a lot of movement involved , but we didn't actually go anywhere.
So in we went straight to the front , and on we got.
David put his seat belt on and I mannualed what we was being told.
I spent the entire ride watching David's reaction , it was fantastic , he really enjoyed it , which was great.
We then went on to a ride called orbitron , which is just individual rockets , which go round and you control the up and down.
Due to us both having a fantastic slender body's , actually getting on the ride proved to be more fun than the ride itself.
We got help from the ride operator crew and they helped us both squeeze into one of these tiny rockets , with the aid of a shoe horn
It was a mission , I had a bag on my head and I was sitting behind david , so I had to manual to him blind
david was practically sitting on my lap , we was both really laughing
due to the luxury seating arrangements , and a sudden spell of flatulence on David's behalf!
despite slight discomfort david really liked this ride because he was in control , I let him drive , and he thought this was great.
We then went on to try the:
flying elephants
once again this was a hit , as david could control the up and down.
They let us approach the ride and have a good feel , before letting other holiday makers on.
tea cups
david was worried how we was both going to fit into a cup! Once again we was let on first to feel , and david thought this was very amusing.
phantom manor
from my point of view , this was the most boring ride I have ever been on! It was a haunted castle , and you sat in huge bucket seats that moved around on a track at about 5 mph!
but because of the movement of the seat david declared this his favourite ride.
which lead us to maybe staying on , and going round 4-5 times at once!
The scariest part of the ride , was the getting on and off , as the floor was a huge conveyor belt , and moved.
Not the best for guiding!
thunder mountain
I wasn't sure about this , but I took my chances.
David didn't hate it , but he didn't like it much either!
To fast., but he liked the adrenaline feeling..strange.
Disneyland railroad
this became our regular place for lunch.
I discovered that david likes trains!
So every lunch time we would take our picnic and board the train which went all around the Disney park.
pirates of the Caribbean
another favourite of David's , I think we went on this about 5 times before I could actually tell him everything that was going on.
It was very intense to manual and also very dark , there was various scenes set with models and movement, noises and smells.
There was also 2 slight drops, that was not steep but very fast and wet!
David liked this bit best
( as well as putting his hand in the water and splashing me!)
peter pans flight
a ride in a flying ship through peter pan land!
once again , not the most exiting ride in the world.
But the strange unpredictable movements made this enjoyable for david
critter coral
this was a small farm with real animals , and to my suprise , david was very scared and did not stay here long!
As soon as I told him the chickens was real , that was it.. he was out of there as quick as you can say KFC!
Indiana Jones and the temple of peril
this for me was one of the most memorable rides of the holiday.
But not because we liked it!
I found Choosing which rides to go on quite hard.
As the feeling that david would encounter would be completely different from what I would experience.
I learnt from previous rides that david like the adrenaline feeling.
So.. I thought while we was here we should try one of the bigger roller coasters.
I had not been on this one before, it didn’t look to bad , from what I could see.
So on we got we climbed into what looked like a mine cart.
David was exited, and laughing.
Then all of a sudden we started going backwards!
David was laughing but I was quite worried, because I could see what was ahead!
Before I got a chance to manual to david we was dropping over a hundred feet!
David soon stopped laughing and was holding my trousers so tight he also had hold of my skin !
We was being flipped and turned all over the place , including a very large loop!
Both myself and david held onto each other for dear life.
I wasn't scared of the ride I was just worried about david.
The ride soon came to a stop.
I lifted up my safety harness to see david looking very disorientated.
He was holding his hat in his mouth and he had one of his hearing aids in his hand , some how he had manage to catch it when it fell out!
For some strange reason we never went on that again , david wasn't keen it said it made him sick and it made his ears red.
Still we tried….
the weather was a bit disappointing , it was very fine drizzle.
The type of rain that you don't feel till you sit down!
So we found somewhere we could get a drink in the warm.
I could see that it would be easier for me to go and get the coffees , due to the bizarre queuing system.
So I left david where I could constantly see him and started to Que.
When I came back , david said something that really shocked me.
He said “ when I alone I wonder if anyone try to talk to me?”
this came as a suprise
its amazing what really goes on in his head under all the mooing and the laughing
we soon was on our way again , and david asked about the other park.
“The Walt Disney studios” which was based next door
so of we went , david had his hand stamped on exit at the gate for re-entry which took some explaining.
( he was a bit concerned with the smell , it was ultra violet and was very potent)
the rain was still coming down , but we was both to exited to worry.
When entering the other park we was greeted by goofy and the chipmunks.
It was very busy , as it was about 4 in the afternoon.
There is a large studio you have to walk through to actually get into the park , which was full of lots of different things from old cars to live bands to 60 foot palm trees!
So I did as much explaining as I could.
David found another shop ( by smell )
so in we went for a look , this was then followed by a coffee.
We ventured outside where we was greeted by nemo the fish ( this was infact a very small car shaped like a fish with someone inside driving it) , david was very impressed as nemo flipped his flippers and moved his eyes so david could feel.
Taking David's blindness into account there was not a great deal here that he would benefit from.
I.e.:
stunt show
animation studios
animagic show
Disney channel studios tour
Armageddon special affects show
aerosmiths rock’in rollercoaster!
but the atmosphere was different and there was different characters about so we made the most of what there was.
We went on:
flying carpets of agrabah
this was similar to the flying elephants ,
but instead you was on a magic carpet.
David liked this a lot
he controlled the carpet , up and down , left and right.
He kept taking it up as high as it would go then dropping it really fast!
It was worth coming in to this park just for this ride , I think we went on it about 15 times in total!
Studio tram tour
this ride was basically a sight seeing tour.
But did involve moment which I thought david would like.
It took you round a huge studio back lot showing you props and vehicles from films.
Including life scale dinosaurs and crocodiles.
It also showed you how special affects were created
including a huge earthquake , a fire and a flood which david could feel.
This was a nice quiet relaxing ride , but david quite liked this due to the movement of the earthquake and the feeling of heat from the fire and water from the flood.
The day was slowly coming to an end we was both very tired it had been a very long and busy day , we left the park at about 6.
We went back to our hotel , david had a sleep.
While I went and made some more calls to Val to enquire what was happening with regards to money.
David woke about 8:30 and wanted to go to the Disney village for some food.
David was a lot happier when he woke , but was very worried about his money.
He had been watching what he had been spending all week , and I think this was getting him down also.
He said he did not want go McDonalds , but not have enough money for both in other restaurant.
I told him not to worry
and that I would pay for my meal if we went some where else.
So we both decided to splash out and we had dinner in “Billy bobs”
which was a cowboy saloon buffet , eat as much as you can for 20 Euro.
The doormen mannualed hello to david as we entered ( I showed them )
and we followed our nose upstairs to the food.
Downstairs there was a country and western concert , and it was very busy.
The food was great , some of it looked a bit French! And slightly dubious , but none the less david had 3 plates full and 2 deserts!
We had another look around the shops , and david tried a few arcade games , and then we made our way back.
David had a bath , and then fell asleep straight away.
I did pretty much the same.
Val rang and said she was going to send some money via the postoffice.
So that was good news.
Then Lights out , another hectic day tomorrow.
TUESDAY
Once again I was awoke by mister O’Hare at 5 o’clock in the morning!
This time by tipping a glass of water over my head!
Amusing but not suprising
I have never seen anyone so exited
we started our daily routine:
1 up
2 washed
3 dressed
4 breakfast at 7 am
5 make picnic
6 look in shop
7 minnie mouse at 8 am ( again)
8 back to hotel
9 clean teeth
10 catch bus
11 arrive at Disney about 9 am.
Having spent a day in the park already I knew today would not be to hectic.
I had a good idea about what david liked and what he didn't like.
Which saved a lot of time
we spent the morning looking in shops and going on rides we had previously been on the day before.
David was asking to go on certain rides by there name which was great.
We was very lucky with the characters they seem to be everywhere we went.
Which was good.
The first time I went to Euro Disney for a week I saw 15 characters , during the time I was there with david we saw roughly 25 characters a day.
If not more
Which was fantastic
at one point it all got a bit emotional , david was surrounded by characters , they seemed to be everywhere , he mannualed to me that he loved them all….he was almost crying.
I had explained that they was people dressed up , but david didn't care , he loved them for what they were and for what they felt like.
I tried to explain about the Disney parade , david didn't know what a parade was , so I mannualed to him as best I could as each float went past , I was hoping they would come and shake his hand , but no luck was getting very frustrated, because I could not get across very well what was happening due to us being roped of, i wanted to think of a way where david could benefit from this more….maybe if he was in the parade?
the weather was beginning to be a nuisance and was making david very fed up
it was about 3 o’clock when david told me he wanted to go back to the hotel to sleep , he was fed up with the rain and he was very tired.
So I said I would go back and check he was ok then come back out on my own , david was ok with this , he gave me some money and asked me to bring him back McDonalds at about 6 o’clock
I got halfway back to the park and the rain absolutely fell down
I made my way straight to the rides that david didn't want to go on,
then I squelched of to get us some dinner
of to McDonalds I went
I reached the hotel david had the Tele on and was singing!
We sat and had our mc dinner
David had a le mc Poisson due prise?
And I had a mc jambon le briquette?
(Who knows what they were but they tasted nice!)
when we was in England I mentioned to david about a garage that was just outside our hotel.
David he would like to go and get some water and sweets.
So of we went , the weather had cleared up , it was just very damp.
We reached the garage and it was closed,
garage serving hatch
we had to order what we wanted through the hatch and the little French lady who had a moustache would run around the shop and get it for us.
I explained the whole process to david he seemed confused , he was feeling around everywhere and could not work out how we got our food if the shop was shut?
All of a sudden the lady had found all the items we wanted and put them into the hatch and opened the hatch up.
To David's suprise out of nowhere appeared 4 bottles of water , a bottle of orange some cheese crisps and a packet of jelly Smurfs.
David thought this was magic , and was laughing really loud , he kept putting his hands in the hatch and shouting la-la!
IM sure the Que. Of burley French lorry drivers that had formed behind us though we was a couple of gay drunks!
skipping all the way home , we got back and tried the new food we had got.
David was concerned with the floaty bits in orangina but liked the jelly Smurfs
we was to exited to realise how tired we was , and as soon as david laid down he was asleep!
Val phoned and said the money would be ready to pick up from the post office tomorrow all I would need is a ref. Number which she gave me
so that was good , a bit late , but good.
2 more days of mayhem to go
then back to rabbits and reality !
Wednesday
today I was awoke again at 5am by being beaten around the head with a pillow repeatedly until I fell out of bed!
The magic of Disney…..they think of everything!
We had a busy day ahead
so we got breakfast and minnie mouse out the way
and headed straight for the post office , david was happy he was getting his money back.
We reached the post office at 8:30 and found it did not open until 12!
So of we went to the Disney park and planned to return later.
We was let in 1 hour early , so david could feel about ,david wanted to go to the information building because he wanted me to ask if piglet was coming out!
I get all the best jobs
While we was there I asked about the parade , the man I asked disappeared and then returned and said to meet him here at 3 and we could sit on the last float.
This was fantastic , but david was more concerned if he would ever meet piglet.
I asked the lady about piglet and she made a couple of phone calls and
We was told to come back in about 1 hour.
So off we went and did the haunted house ride another 5 times!
When we returned we was asked to follow the lady to a restaurant?
I did not quite know what was going on , but none the less we was both exited.
The restaurant was closed to the public , there was just me and david and the two ladies from the information desk.
Then to my suprise we was joined by tigger , pooh , piglet , eeyore, kanga , roo , rabbit , and owl!
Yipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
How exited was david , we was both jumping around , I could not believe to what extent Disney would go to , it was amazing , truly amazing.
It was now time for the post office , so back we went , I sat david on a chair he was extremely happy , and continuously singing!
And I begin to put my French GCSE to the test!
I filled in the form which took ages and then the man said , have you got your passport?
NO!
So back on the bus we went , back to the hotel , got the passport , back on the bus , back to the postoffice!
Try again
the man asked me who made the payment , and how much was it for , so I put down vale stokes , and 100 Euro.
He made a phone call and told me there had been no money sent in that name!
GREAT!
So , due to me and david making a guest appearance in the Disney villains parade in about 20 minutes , I text Sarah Asher at work and asked her to find out the full name of the person who had sent the money , and how much it was in pound sterling , and could she text me back before 5!
Because we was relying on receiving this money As we had very little left for food.
I explained the mess to david , he did not seem immediately bothered , but I could tell he was thinking about it.
We got back to the park and headed to meet out parade guide.
We waited and waited and waited……….
david was making his fish face , saying “ man not coming “
It then started to rain , so I quickly used some distraction therapy and grabbed David's hands and we started to dance.
David was laughing , and we looked like a couple of nutters but we didn't care.
The man eventually turned up
and said I have some bad news……….
“IM afraid there is no room on the last float for you and david to sit.”
Just before I was about to manual this to david he cut in and said…..
“so Mickey and minnie have asked if you would like to join them on there horse drawn cart”
YEEEHAAAAAAA!
Due to extreme excitement I was manualling like I was drunk.
david started clapping and shouting .
we was taken through one of the no entry doors , behind the scenes.
We was greeted by Mickey and minnie , goofy , chip and dale , Donald and Pluto.
David climbed up onto the cart which was filled with bails of hay and pumpkins we both sat near the front with minnie.
The parade started and the huge gates opened and out we went , there was people absolutely everywhere , I was manualing to david but he was to exited and was waving and screaming.
Minnie kept holding David's hand , and goofy and Donald kept throwing straw at david , and he kept throwing it back.
This was one of the highlights of the holiday , it was fantastic to see david so engrossed and overwhelmed by this whole new world he had discovered.
The parade finished , and we parked up at the back of a large studio , minnie helped David climb down from the cart.
He gave them both a kiss , and they was both in awe of david and it seemed like they didn't want to leave him.
We was shown a secret passage which led us back out into the real world , david was doing his happy thing , to be honest he was doing his happy thing the entire holiday.
Which made everything worth while
david wanted to go to the other park , so we popped across and just as we arrived there was characters everywhere , one of the chipmunks nicked David's hat , which he found confusion yet amusing.
He also met sully for the first time , who was huge at least 8 ft tall! and incredibly tactile , david liked him a lot.
Once again the day was nearly coming to a close , we eventually left the studio park about 6 , and headed straight for the post office.
I checked my phone , and Sarah had text me with all the details which I asked for.
So that was a relief!
We went back to the post office for the 3rd time that day!
And at last we got our money.
It was a pain finally getting it on the day before we came home, but at least we got it!
I text Val and told her we had received the money , at last!
We left the park with the hundreds of people all pouring out and heading back to their hotels.
We decided, as it was the last chance we would get to have a decent meal that we would go to the RAIN FOREST CAFÉ for our last supper.
Under normal circumstances I would have booked as it gets very busy, and waiting time for tables can be up to 2 hours!
But as I did not know if we would have any money or not I didn’t bother , still we took a chance.
luckily the people in there recognised us (we had been in there most days looking) and gave us priority, ( poor little blind man ) and we were seated in 10 minutes!
It was quite pricey , but very nice.
David had a curry , and I had what I thought was chicken and onion rings , but to my surprise turned out to be octopus! and we both had a special Halloween cocktail which was a mix of fruit juices.
When the drinks came they had a large jelly rat floating on the top.
I didn’t tell David , I let him find it for himself.
There was a table next to us , with a family of 5 adults and a little boy who was 4.
He was looking at me and David , as children do.
And his parents kept telling him off
Every time he went to ask them a question about David they told him not to be rude and to eat his dinner.
He then started saying that he was scared of David , and his mum got up and had a quiet word with him.
The poor kid was dying to ask why David didn’t talk , so I told David and I intervened.
I leaned over and said “ he’s not scary , his name is David , and when he was little his ears and his eyes broke , and they don’t work anymore , so I talk to him using my hands”
The little boy seemed a bit more at ease , but the parents were still trying not to get involved.
We both finished our dinner , infact David ate most of mine to , I wasn’t keen on octopus it was like chewing on a fan belt!
We then had a tour of the restaurant , including the life size elephants , gorillas , water fountains , and various tropical plants.
When we reached the hotel , we both did our packing , then I went through the maps , so David could choose what he wanted to do on his last day.
We popped out to the garage again for supplies , this time it was open , David discovered pez and kit Kat balls!
The cleaners had been in and moved our waste paper bin which lead to a huge pile of rubbish on the carpet!
It was Another late night , I don’t think we ever got to bed before 12!
Still tomorrow was the last day , and I was dreading my awakening the following morning!
Thursday
I awoke the next morning at around 6’ish , and to my surprise Mr O’Hare was still asleep….
Thoughts of REVENGE filled my head…hmmm?
After minutes of deciding , I opted for the jumping up and down on his bed , which proved to be popular , as David soon awoke and joined in , which is not what I had in mind at all.!
The day started of very well , as usual.
We did the morning routine and headed of to breakfast.
David decided to give in at last to his stubborn ways , and decided to have branflakes and a ham roll..
we made our picnic , or more like a banquet , as we tried to make as many rolls as we could , in hope they would last us all day.
We had our morning hug from minnie and headed back to clean our teeth.
We then took our bags to the left luggage dept.
and boarded the bus for the final day of fun…
the sun was out , and we had money in our pocket , we walked through the Disney gardens to the park and then david said
“ I want you to ring Val”
why ?
“ my neck hurts”
what can Val do , she is in England!
“I want to go home now”
pardon
“my neck hurts , I want to get train now”
I tried to explain there was only one train a day back to London and that wasn't till later , still david insisted that I went to the station and asked!
So back up the hill we went to the station and just like I said there was only one train and it wasn't until 6:30 that evening!
David automatically acquired his fish face.
He said he was fed up and wanted to go back to hotel for a coffee!
So back on the bus we got , and back to the hotel!
Breakfast was nearly finished , and the main way in was closed.
So we walked in the out way and luckily nobody noticed.
I found a table and went and got us a coffee.
When I came back david said
“I can hear deaf people”
it was a most bizarre thing for him to come out with but he was right.
On our left was a group of about 8 deaf people with guides.
So I introduced david , and it turned out they was all from R.N.I.D in bath.
I recognised one of the deaf lady’s and it turned out I was working at a holiday park she visited in 1991! Its a small world.
David soon got talking, hands on and manual and it was amazing how quick he forgot about his bad neck!
We spent a good hour talking and then they went…
David had really cheered up , there was 7 women in total and 1 man.
david was left doing his happy thing and said he would like find them later.
So back on the bus we went , and headed straight for the Disney studios park , as we knew that is where they was heading.
We met up with them straight away , and spent a good part of the day with them.
we went on various rides, and david thoroughly enjoyed there company.
We left them about 2 o’clock.
When they went to see the stunt show.
I found an umbrella which rained when you stood under it.
And I walked straight through it with david , he found this amusing.
But once again my trick backfired , as he kept going back and I ended up getting soaked!
The day went well , we went on all the rides we liked , in both parks.
And once again saw lots of different characters.
We left the park at about 4 o’clock
and went straight back to the hotel , david wanted to buy Mary a chocolate coin, for looking after his pets.
And I mentioned to him that it would be a nice idea if you got a little something for Julie h as she got you the holiday.
He did agree that it would be nice , but he never brought her anything!
When we arrived at the train station there was police everywhere , with guns!
I thought the day was going to smoothly!
They was in the process or arresting 2 women.
We was about an hour early but IM glad in a way we was.
We ended up having to go through the rigmarole of a full blown
drug search!
Including , police , sniffer dogs , and emptying out our luggage!
This took what seemed like ages!
Apart of me didn't want to tell david , as I knew he would worry , but then it was my job , and a good introduction to the real word.
Over 1 and a half hours later we was finally on the train and on our way home.
David was concerned about nasty people taking drugs.
But showed more interest in the sniffer dogs.
The homeward bound train journey took about 3 hours.
We then made our way to kings cross.
But to keep up the standard of bad luck there was a bomb scare on the underground! So we had to go the long way round!
poor old david , I could see his mind ticking over , he was very worried.
But kept it all to himself.
Then we had time for a burger king which I brought us , because david spent the last of his money on our train tickets.
We was then informed the next 2 trains leaving for Peterborough had been cancelled.
So we had to wait another hour!
I tried to educate david in harry potter as we was in kings cross , but he wasn't in the mood , this led to him calling me a fat owl!
Then we eventually boarded our train , at some UN earthly hour of the morning.
Only to stop at Huntingdon and be told there had been a dead body found on the line!
David was in a state of panic ,and said he’s heart was beating fast.
I explained this life , and often things happen that you don't expect ,and that everything would be ok.
We then had to board the complimentary taxi from Huntingdon to Peterborough.
It was in this taxi we met the project manager from R.N.I.B in London.
Who had a chat with david , and was talking about a project they had just started in bath where 3 deaf blind gentlemen are living in a house together.
But david wasn't very interested , he was to busy falling asleep
We then had to get another taxi from Peterborough to rainbow court.
(our usual taxi company would not let me book one on account as I wasn't ringing from the office , so I had to pay , and claim the money back!)
we finally got back home at about 2 AM!
Over all the holiday was a success as far as david was concerned , we both learnt tremendous amounts , about life and each other.
And hats of to Disney they was incredible , who would have thought that such a high standard could ever be reached , but they managed it.
I sent them an e-mail , praising them up , and thanking them on David's behalf
there reply:
Private & Confidential
Disneyland Resort Paris,
19 November, 2003
Reference: 190393/289112 NC
Dear Mr Lucia-Wright,
Thank you for your e-mail message concerning your recent visit to Disneyland
Resort Paris. I am pleased to learn of your impressions and to know that
your visit was such a success.
Disneyland Resort Paris strives to entrance its visitors by the dreams and
magic with which they have come to associate the Disney name, and the fact
that you were so happy with your visit is truly encouraging. Disneyland
Resort Paris strives to offer a warm and appropriate welcome to Guests with
special needs, and that our wish is for all Guests to pass a magical moment
in our company. Bearing this in mind, please be assured that your kind words
have been forwarded to the operational Cast Members.
In an effort to ensure that our level of welcome is upheld, Disneyland
Resort Paris approached the major disabled associations in France to design
procedures and offer adapted facilities. Disneyland Resort Paris continues
to work with associations where necessary and, as such, is one of the rare
companies in Europe that has a specific department designed to ensure that
disabled Guests' needs are met. As such, I would like to thank you for
taking the time to share your impressions with Disneyland Resort Paris.
Disneyland Resort Paris hopes to soon have the opportunity to welcome you
once more to the Resort.
Yours sincerely,
Nathalie Caton
Guest Communication
I have also e-mailed the holiday company 8 times , and they have written to david , and told him they are looking into our complaint!
Disneyland Resort Paris,
19 November, 2003
Reference: 190393/289112 NC
Dear Mr Lucia-Wright,
Thank you for your e-mail message concerning your recent visit to Disneyland
Resort Paris. I am pleased to learn of your impressions and to know that
your visit was such a success.
Disneyland Resort Paris strives to entrance its visitors by the dreams and
magic with which they have come to associate the Disney name, and the fact
that you were so happy with your visit is truly encouraging. Disneyland
Resort Paris strives to offer a warm and appropriate welcome to Guests with
special needs, and that our wish is for all Guests to pass a magical moment
in our company. Bearing this in mind, please be assured that your kind words
have been forwarded to the operational Cast Members.
In an effort to ensure that our level of welcome is upheld, Disneyland
Resort Paris approached the major disabled associations in France to design
procedures and offer adapted facilities. Disneyland Resort Paris continues
to work with associations where necessary and, as such, is one of the rare
companies in Europe that has a specific department designed to ensure that
disabled Guests' needs are met. As such, I would like to thank you for
taking the time to share your impressions with Disneyland Resort Paris.
Disneyland Resort Paris hopes to soon have the opportunity to welcome you
once more to the Resort.
Yours sincerely,
Nathalie Caton
Guest Communication
I have also e-mailed the holiday company 8 times , and they have written to david , and told him they are looking into our complaint!
HEALING THROUGH LAUGHTER TOUR 2004
BY JONATHAN LUCIA WRIGHT
THAT YOUR HAND ON MY CHEST
IS MY HAND
SO CLOSE
THAT WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES
I FALL ASLEEP
AND THIER CONTINUOUS ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT
FOR THERE SLIGHTLY ODD SON
AND
FOR JIMMY AND DAVID
FOR BEING MY INSPIRATION AND MY WANT TO CONTINUE
FOR MY GRANDAD
WHO WAS PROBABLY ASLEEP
FOR EMMA NELSON
WHO HAS READ THIS A THOUSAND TIMES
AND CORRECTED MY BAD GRAMMAR AND APPALLING SPELLING
BUT MOSTLY
TO REASSURE MYSELF
THAT THERE’S GREAT REWARDS IN BEING DIFFERENT
What you are about to read has taken me a year to re-write. My journal was written daily when I went to Russia
In the beginning my input was very enthusiastic, but that later changed the more and more tired I got, so I started to re-write this as everyone wanted to know about the trip. I wanted people to get a true idea of what the trip entailed, but each time I would start to write, I would sit and reminisce then I would get a bit emotional and have to stop, so that is why it has taken me so long to complete. I have tried to include as much as I can remember, although I have left out the odd personal detail as my mother will be reading this.
It’s funny when I look back at my life and think that my 12 years spent in the entertainment business has lead to this. I never thought in a million years that being a children’s entertainer, in a magic double act, a stand up comic and script writer would lead to me working with deafblind people. I have no regrets. Adapting elements of my old profession so that it can be appreciated by someone who has never experienced them before, such as magic, is better than a thousand nights on stage.
This journey really started in 1999 when I was working in North Wales . I had ideas of moving on, but where I would go was a mystery. None of my talents fitted in with conventional jobs, I couldn’t juggle in McDonalds and I couldn’t do magic in a funeral parlour so what would I do? Meanwhile the working at the holiday parks was a safety net for me. I had built up a reputation so the work was always there. No longer was it just my mum that would say I had talent, I realised for myself that I had a talent and it was the ability to make people laugh. It had taken myself years to come to terms with that myself. At last I knew my skills and my limits and I had learnt how to use them in many different ways. I would stay up night after night watching videos of comedians, both stand up and physical, seeing how they work. They all had something which I could learn from. I would read biographies to get to know these comics better, to see what made them tick and also to see there problems - there is always a darker side to comics! But now I had done all that I had. I had gone the distance and I really was at a point in my life where I was sick of the entertainment business, all the politics and all the shit that always went with it. To be honest, I did enjoy the attention and playing the fool, the clown, the idiot….I was always in control but fooled the audience into thinking that I wasn’t. Seeing what an impact I could make on people and their reactions was amazing and I wanted more of that…but how?
I went to the pictures one Saturday afternoon to watch a film called ‘Patch Adams’. I knew nothing about the film apart from the fact it was about a doctor and it had Robin Williams in it! By the end of the film the rest of my life had been planned. The film helped me to make up my mind to the direction I wanted to go. I needed to move on and this film had given me the push to do so. I gave up the entertainment business in 2002 and applied for a job with a charity called Deafblind UK
I also started to write to patch , he gave me a great deal of guidance and was always there when I needed help and he also replied to every letter I sent him
The people I work with are deafblind, so that was my first challenge. Please don’t make the mistake that so many people do and only hear the word deaf or blind, the people I work with are deaf AND blind.
There can be times at work when my mind goes blank and I get stumped with which route to take. Patch would give me ideas and things that I could try and this would keep me going. The beauty is that there is no set way to how I work, what I do is 100% individual and also very trial and error. Everybody reacts differently, so you never know what it will take to assist, help to explain or enhance a conversation. My desk is piled high with puppets, toys, costumes and objects of reference, things that smell, things that move and rudely shaped vegetables!
I have now adapted a lot of the things that I used to do but humour is the main contributing factor to how I work, and I have had some fantastic results. You will need to stop and think about being deafblind, the more you consider this, the more problems will arise. I am still learning now but I love every minute of it
Anyway back to the plot, that is a rough introduction. I felt that was needed just to help you get a bigger picture ,and fill in the missing link between what I did and what I do now. People at work are starting to acknowledge my different approach (despite it being somewhat unconventional). It was working and they were seeing a lot of positive change in people. I mentioned the clown trips which Patch organises yearly , he had asked me to go last year but my situation wasn’t suitable at the time and raising the money would have been a huge problem. To me this was a dream and something that I would never reach, but there was no harm in trying…
The trip would take a lot of organising and it was also about £4000! I thought this would only ever be a dream until I mentioned it to our head office and it was taken to the boss and a few days later I received an answer…..”Yes, we will help you.” Letters went out to trusts and the money came in faster than you can say postage stamp, and before I knew it, I was on my way! Monica at head office became my right arm and sorted out my visa and flights and all the technical grown up stuff. Without her I don’t think I would have got there in one piece, she even bought me some Peptobismal to help line my stomach!
I had written to Olympus and they had kindly donated a digital camera, which I’m still learning how to use a year later! The time flew by, one minute I was dreaming of a dream that was just a wish in my head, then before you know it I was leaving tomorrow….
It all happened so quick! I was packed and ready and waiting to embark on an adventure of a life time. I didn’t plan any of the clowning as I wanted it to be spontaneous, I though this would make it more organic and real and hopefully more funny! I knew I had the ability, so worrying about what I would do was not a problem, just give me a crowd and the clown will do the rest. I also didn’t learn any Russian on purpose as I wanted the humour to be my language.
So this is it, my friend Emma came and stayed just for a bit of moral support before I left, then early to bed as tomorrow was take off……
Tuesday 2nd November
My mum and dad called at 2:15 in the morning (as I anticipated) to check I was up and to wish me all the best. I was up and eager and about to have a bath,
my friend Emma, who stayed over, stirred at about 3am but didn’t surface till 4am !
I felt very strange as I knew what I was doing and I knew where I was heading, but there was no reality to it at all. The morning preparation had the echoes of previous early morning school trips to Boloigne. It felt like the middle of the night, and the rest of the planet was dead to the world.
Well, I was up and suited and raring to go! I remember leaving my red nose to the last minute and finally attaching it to my nose with glue, the final and finishing touch. Emma had to rush as the taxi driver arrived at 4:10am , 20 minutes early than expected. There came a knock on the door and I was not sure who was more surprised, me by the taxi drivers keenness or him by sheer shock of seeing me! I fell asleep for a good part of the journey, I tried to stay awake but tiredness got the better of me, despite the taxi driver constantly talking about this that and everything else .
I woke up 10 miles from Heathrow, the roads were dark and damp and very busy.
Heathrow was horrible. It was an environment all on its own. I kissed Emma goodbye and the taxi left so it was just me in a clown suit with my baggage and a pair of oversized shoes. I took 5 minutes just to get myself together and see if there was any signs or clues on where I should go. I saw several people disappearing through an automatic door so I made my way there. It was about 6:30am and the airport was very busy so there was no point in me pretending that I knew what I was doing, so despite my appearance, I felt it best to ask before I ended up in the luggage hold on the way to Indonesia
Once upstairs I found my appropriate queue and waited. There was duty free shops and people everywhere, mostly staring at me! I reached the front of my queue. There was a lady handling the luggage and the passports and when she saw me and my appearance she called a man over and was asking him questions while she pointed at me! I approached the counter and she weighed my bags with a slight look of suspicion on her face. The man asked me where I was going, so I told him what I was about to embark on. I handed over my passport and the lady did a double take and told me that it was not acceptable and that I would have to remove my nose as I didn’t look like my passport photo at all! I didn’t mind removing my red nose, but it was attached with P.V.A glue, so it took a bit of pulling and tugging before it came off. Then off to the toilets to reattach it!
Customs seem to take for ever.
Although it didn’t surprise me in the slightest, they seemed extra cautious of me because of my appearance (God knows why!) I ended up going through 3 times and the whole airport seemed to stop and watch me. First I went through as I was, then I was frisked and they asked what was in my pockets, so I told them. A packet of playing cards, a rubber goldfish and a fart whistle! I then had to put my jacket through, then my shoes were checked and finally I had to take them off and send them through! While all this was happening I was thinking about Patch, who apparently, has gone through customs before dressed as a gorilla with a suitcase full of bananas!
I then had approximately two and a half hours before my flight, so I phoned home. I had my photo taken 12 times with a wide selection of people from around the world Australia, Los Angeles and Milan to name a few! I got talking to a group of Americans, about thirty of them in total, and did some magic for them. They were all sitting in the departure lounge, they were really friendly so I sat with them for a while and spoke of my journey and deafblindness.
I stumbled into the departure lounge by accident. I was bored and walking around and around, but when I could finally see real airplanes, the situation started to become more and more real. I clowned with some children, and watched a Jewish man saying his prayers, which is always reassuring before you board a plane! I finally heard a call out and went to board at about 9am . Another customs check again with a very camp porter, he spotted my oversize shoes and said “if you ever find a man who fits in them, give him my number”! I had to remove my nose again and they checked my jacket and shoes. I then waited for what seemed ages to board the plane. Then, suddenly, it seemed to be every man for himself, people pushing into a very unorganised queue. I passed the plane crew who said I deserved a bottle of champagne due to my appearance but it never turned up!
The next thing which occurred was one of those priceless moments which this trip was thankfully full of! As I approached my seat, and looked up into the face belonging to the man I was going to be sitting next to, it was an absolute picture, I had to pick his mouth up of off the floor! He took a photo of me and sent it to his daughter who was 21 years old. His name was Bert Smitt and he works for national radio.
We spoke for ages. He mentioned that he travels at least 60 times a year, so he was a handy man to meet and he answered a lot of questions which I had, including a rough guide to Russian food-crap! He also assisted me in inserting my earphones into the socket, which was easily accessible if you had the waist line of a pencil, but due to my overwhelming physique, I made various attempts at trying to insert it into my belly button, mainly because my stomach was hiding the sockets!
We were running almost 1 hour late due to the wrong meals being bought on board, so we had to wait while they changed them, which was a shame, because the food I had was not to my taste and I often wonder what the original meal was, and now I will never know…
He later woke me for food as I had fallen asleep and I now wish he had left me!
I was handed a tray with about 11 individually wrapped items on, including the main which I think was fish, which I hate, but I ate it none the less as I didn’t know what food would be waiting for me in Russia
Take off was fine, I wasn’t too keen as it made me a bit dizzy. I was told by friends and family to have a sweet during take off to stop my ears popping. Some said a boiled sweet, some said chewing gum, some said mints, so just in case, I had one of each so the ear popping was avoided but I was halfway to a diabetic coma! I later found out it was not necessary in today’s modern aircraft, still, any excuse to eat sweets!
The in-flight movie was Terminal with Tom Hanks, which seemed to go on for ever.
We landed at about 5:30ish. My bags took ages to come out and customs was a complete nightmare! I stood in line with Bert, which was comforting, but it was still scary. There were military people everywhere, including guns, REAL big “bang bang your dead” guns, not a spud gun or a super soaker, REAL GUNS!
There was a small group of Russian military soldiers, around 7 in total, that were starting to gather round where I was standing started to stare and point. So despite my underwear changing colour, I waved and figured I was here to clown so there is no time like the present! I blew a kiss to the lady soldier, and pulled out at duster from my pocket and flicked it at the guns, pretending to clean it but also trying not to actually touch the weapon. They were all in fits of laughter, but never before have I had to hide behind such a big mask, I was absolutely petrified, and the first thing I did when they was out of sight was breathe out…
I got my bags and said goodbye to Bert and asked him to give my regards to Ernie. I went out to the waiting area where my contact was thankfully waiting for me.
She spoke no English and I spoke no Russian, so great start! We made our way into the airport car park. The air was ice-cold but no snow.
A car turned up and we travelled for a good hour. Russia
We eventually arrived at our hotel, which looked better on the inside than out.
I was sharing with a man named Alan, who I was a bit wary of due to the photo I had of him. The one he has sent me made him look like an escaped convict, but he turned out to be a great laugh.
Alan was there to assist Zag and Estiban with the sound for the filming. I had 1 and a half hours to sort things out before we all met for our evening meal.
I changed my top and freshened up and headed down to the lobby to meet the others.
The reception area was filled with business men and prostitutes, as well as
a very strange array of clowns and people in odd costume all mingling and milling around!
Some came and introduced themselves…. but no Patch yet. I had that feeling of excitement inside, like when your little and you are waiting to see someone famous. My earliest memory of this is when I waited to meet the Nolan’s at the Woolwich ABC, what an anti climax that turned out to be!
I felt a bit on my own at first as the others had spent all of yesterday together, so I popped outside the hotel and waved at passers by. This became a regular occurrence every morning. I would go outside and take a deep breath. The Russian air was refreshingly clear and made me feel very awake, not at all like British air, a nice deep breath followed by a cough then a choke!
After a few minutes I went back in and a small group of people appeared from a lift including Patch and Wildman. Patch was an easy 6ft and had a certain aura about him.
Patch went round and was hugging everyone, when he got to me he stopped and said “Ahh Jonathan“ he walked over and gave me a hug and asked how I was, he then asked me how my flight was from Colorado! This knocked him back slightly in my estimation, there was this wonderful man who I totally idolized and had been writing to for the last 3 and a half years, he knew my deepest secrets yet he didn’t really have a clue who I was. As he walked away he looked back and laughed, somebody was playing a game…
He then turned shouted “Clowns forward march!“ and all 40 of us in costume walked through Moscow
One of the things I learnt on this trip was that there is a lot to be said for clowning in groups, we thrive from each other’s energy, and due to us being a crowd, fear was far from my mind.
When we arrived it was a buffet style lunch, which was mostly recognisable which spoilt me slightly, as the rest of the food being down hill from here on!
Patch was going to do some toasts and suggested that we got some vodka.
He stood on a chair and continued with a speech. Alan and I sat with Zag and another clown named Julian who wasn’t at all well! It came to the point where we all raised our vodka and down the hatch it went!
Well I don’t drink at great deal, only at weddings and funerals, and the intense burning that I was experiencing threw me of off my seat!
I would say it is the closest thing to petrol I am yet to taste, I’m sure half a litre would fuel a small van from John o’ Groats to Lands End! I bought some home for my mum it cost around £3 for a litre but I think she used it to re-grout her bathroom!
We talked about the filming when I eventually came to my senses, then Alan and I left early and made our way back to the hotel. After a bit, I popped back out for a look around and some fresh air. I got a few bits in a near by supermarket, but I didn’t have enough money on me so the cashier got very angry!
I was helped out by a lady behind me in the queue who kindly translated what the woman was shouting at me. My parents had given me a huge wad of Russian notes, which they were given by a couple they know who do house clearances. Had it all been valid, Thomas Cook said it would have been over £1000 in English money, but a lot of it went out with Stalin, but the remainder amounted to just over £200.
I went back to the hotel and had a chat with Alan about Russian pop music videos, which happened to be on one of the better channels! The sheer amusement of it all lead me to buy a Russian rap C.D by a very camp home-boy whose name was Sergey!
I finally hit the sack but was kept awake by the extremely noisy couple above having sex! I did my journal and went to sleep. I’m up at 7:30am , we are going to a children’s hospital tomorrow, Night!
Wednesday 3rd November
I slept really well, apart from the newly weds upstairs bonking all night! I was woken by my alarm clock, then the phone and then the newly weds again!
I spoke to Alan about America 7am . He opened his suitcase to reveal bags of American candy. He said it was bought for Halloween but nobody came round so that was bonus! So we had Twizzler’s and Jolly Rancher’s for breakfast. Alan tried the shower and to his dismay, the water looked very similar to urine so he gave that a miss and washed with bottled water.
Also, while we are on the subject of bathrooms, I must tell you about the toilet that we had in our first hotel.
On first appearance it resembled a normal toilet, but when closely examined, the toilet bowl had a very small hole at the back of the pan, so after you had been to the toilet, lets just say number 2 for example, when you went to flush, it would be just sitting there, staring up at you like a chocolate mouse on a plate waiting for your approval before you waved it goodbye. It was amusing at first, yet something you would rather forget, until you would turn around to flush, and it would be staring you in the face, and if that wasn’t enough, due to the distance it would have to be pushed to reach the hole, the force of the flush was similar to that of a waterfall, and would dispose of the waste and wash you feet at the same time.
I sorted out what to wear then made our way up to breakfast. It was very strange, we all ate together in costume along with the other guests of the hotel. Myself and Alan were playing guess the newly weds, just to see if we could put faces to the animal noises!
The breakfast was not what I was expecting it consisted of cold cheese on toast, hot dogs, bacon, boiled eggs complete with green yolk, boiled potatoes, pickled beetroot, coleslaw and a few other things which I wasn’t sure of. I tried a bit of what I recognised, which was mostly bacon!
Above the breakfast table was a huge photo in black and white. I didn’t really pay much attention to it for the first couple of days, I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was huge at least 6 ft by 4 ft. Patch turned up not in the best of moods due to the American election he was walking about shouting “George Bush is a piece of shit “. As I left, some people asked me and Patch to pose for a photo, Patch asked them to poke there tongue out for the picture and they laughed but refused, so Patch walked away.
All 40 of us boarded our coach and went to a huge children’s hospital. We went off in groups and visited various departments. The group I was in visited about 6 areas of the hospital with up to 40 children in each, ranging from babies to young adults.
The performing was all trial and error. I made the mistake at first of taking a bag, which I had to keep an eye on due to 90% of the items I was carrying had never been seen by the patients before and they were very grab grab!
I tried to do a lot of visual stuff, including some magic, it was just like working a shopping centre most of the children were all up and about and very keen and excited.
In this hospital, the children would come to us and were all waiting for us in a selected area, which seemed to be like a reception. There was a desk, seats and a TV and some very dead looking plants.
Most of the children had a parent with them most of the time, mostly mums and very few dads.
The hospital itself was not that bad considering what we would see as the weeks went by, but it was a huge building with barely any necessities. Some of the building could do with repair, plaster, paint etc. It had a well worn feel about it, apparently it was built in the 1970’s and had not been redecorated since.
I learnt by watching the other clowns and by registering the children’s reactions, I realised that the smallest thing could make such a huge difference. As the days went on, I also learnt the true value of balloons, among other things! The hospital contained a lot of children affected by the recent bombing. This included skin disorders, disfiguration, amputations, blindness and some with half body plaster casts on from the waist down. I distinctly remember a little girl about 7 years old, she was very beautiful and happy to see us. She had a huge growth on her head, the size of a tennis ball. There was also a teenage lad whose bottom lip had serious swelling and was the depth of his face, at least 3 inches.
The combination of the talents of the people in our group seemed to be varied and yet tended to compliment each other. We knew we were having dinner at the hospital but wasn’t sure when or where. I then smelled food, as I do, and the mothers of the children in the ward beckoned us over and offered us dinner. So the 5 of us plus at least 30 children and mums all sat in their own private dinning room and had rice and vegetable soup then cabbage, potatoes, carrot and chicken which all tasted great, though the chicken was very white!
We thanked them for lunch, then got taken by a nurse to the other clowns who were having lunch! It turned out that we should have ate with the others who were having dinner all together but we did the right thing and I felt very privileged to be included with them. We all went round and did a bit more clowning and then boarded the coach.
Everyone was buzzing with excitement, yet disturbed by the bad conditions of the patients and the building.
Dinner tonight was to be at Maria’s flat, along with her husband, her dog which was more like a small donkey, 19 kids and 40 clowns! Maria has 4 children of her own and adopts 15 more. We invaded the whole of the flat, there were clowns in every room!
We ate mostly pickled stuff, beetroot, cabbage, pickled garlic(!) and a very strong garlic chicken which was more garlic than chicken!
Then we all sat around and recited poetry and songs and the odd dance.
Patch recited several poems including the one that was in the film, “Sonnet 17 of Nerud’as 100 love sonnets”
The poem itself makes me an emotional wreck and always brings a tear to my eye , yet being read with such meaning and passion, made me forget about the really drastic pickled garlic I had been eating and took me away to a different place;
“I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep”
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep”
I recited an old song entitled “I’m my own grandpa”, not quite as emotional as the previous contributions. Julian fell asleep and could be heard snoring above everyone’s efforts to drown him out. It was a truly amazing evening. We got the coach back to the hotel and Alan wasn’t feeling too well. I met up with Zag and some of the others and we went to a bar for a few drinks, I got the first round in, it was nice to unwind.
I got to know a Valerie a bit more. We then moved on to find another bar but everywhere was closed, so we drank beer which we bought from a shop, and stood in an empty market place drinking and chatting. I had a hot dog which had a most bizarre name, which I really wish I could remember! We met a Russian girl who lived in the area. She was very nice and spoke great English. She organised some music in a doorway of an underpass, which was most peculiar! I think it was a small rest room for security guards, who knows?!
The music was very gay techno and there was about 20 of us in all, including our new friend and her other friend and her boyfriend, an old lady tramp in a very smelly fur coat, 2 security guards and a Russian soldier complete with gun.
It was a funny night, but it was a good bonding time no matter how strange, got back to hotel at 3:30 am, and up again at 7:30 am, night!
Thursday 4th November
Had breakfast at 8:30 , which became such an anticlimax. I would normally look forward to getting up and having breakfast, but then I remembered where I was and that it would be the same bizarre array of foodstuffs which I refused to eat yesterday!
Today I wore my big shoes for the first time, they felt great on and gave me a huge boost. They took some getting used to but I loved them, my shoes were the biggest on the trip and the envy of everyone, including Patch!
Alan was really ill, so we had a hotel room visit by John, another clown from the states who was a doctor, and Patch, just to check Alan out. They said it may be the food, as it wasn’t agreeing with a lot of people. They said he should just rest and he took some tablets which John gave him.
I made my way to breakfast and double checked the huge black and white photo. It was of a naked lady on all fours which was strategically placed over where breakfast was served, and yes, it was what I thought it was! Had food, bacon, very hard and dry bread with a green yolked boiled egg! Had a chat with John, who was praising me which was nice. He works a lot with Patch, he said that I was amazing, and the humour in the way I used my body was fantastic. He also said it was worth him coming on the trip just to watch me, and that he could watch me for hours!
We split up into groups again, some to visit an orphanage, and some to go and visit the baldies at the cancer hospital. I worked at the orphanage. I did a lot of clowning on my own though I had Zag following and filming me. The hospital was very spread out with about 4 children to a room.
One little boy got out of his bed and asked me if I wanted a drink of his Coke, he asked his mum if he could and she nodded. There was only 1 chair in the room, no curtains, no bed sheets, no nurses and yet they had Coke. I felt very honoured.
The performing alone, though scary at first, made me realise what a difference I can make. The sound of their laughter and the smiles on their faces was the fuel I needed to keep myself going. It automatically turned a black and white situation into colour one, and whatever the size of the problem it was forgotten.
I could never really sit back and look at the hospital situations until I was on my own otherwise I think I would never have the strength to carry on and I would have broken down in 5 minutes. I was lucky in the respect that the emotional side of the trip did not really hit me until I got back in the UK Russia
We went to a Russian pizza place for dinner, I ate too much, though I must say it was the best pizza I’ve had, and it was made fresh including the dough and it was cooked in a large brick oven with real fire and everything…
In the afternoon we went to the largest art gallery in Russia
The evening led us to the auction, which proved to be terribly emotional. Patch was the auctioneer, the higher the bids the more he cried. It was a very moving evening. I had never experienced love like there was in that room that night. It was overwhelming. I believe the auction raised over $21,000. I bought a painting of a clown for roughly $30 which was just for sale and not part of the auction, I would have loved to have bought more, but the prices went through the roof.
The first auction piece was a sunset sky, with the city skyline of Russia
One of Maria’s younger children was crying, so I mentioned it to Wildman and he thanked me for caring, it turned out she had lost her earring. I know the lost earring is not great plot information for my story but it was Wildman’s response which reassured me of the loving kind of people that I was mixing with
The night ended with a disco with all of us and the orphans and many other people that had attended the auction. 40 clowns at a disco, we were totally free of any rules and any inhibitions, it was anarchy to music! Patch had a dentist medical device in his mouth which widened his mouth out and had his trousers pulled up to his neck, he was watching me and came over and I told him that I was overwhelmed with the love that I had experienced that night. He smiled and told me that I was a maker of magic and than he appreciated me. That meant a lot coming from the Big Man
I found it hard to get used to the praise I kept on getting, it was lovely and honest.
Not like the UK Kansas
I got back and sorted out my clothe and went to the shop. I met Wildman in the foyer of the hotel. He came up and gave me a hug and told me how pleased he was that I was on this trip. I told him that I had waited my whole life for this and he replied with “This is only the beginning”.
Got a few bits and pieces in the shop, mostly sweets so I could save the wrappers(I collect sweet wrappers). Got back and wrote in my journal.
Made Valerie a birthday card, but then I couldn’t sleep so I clowned up and spent an hour riding the lifts, which something I picked up from Patch.
Got to bed at 2 am .
Friday 5th November
Got up for breakfast at 8:20 . Alan was ok today. I tried to phone, what a mission! The saga of me trying to contact home went on for about 4 days before I actually got through and even then it was about £2.50 a minute! I think it ended up having to dial around16 numbers.
We Visited an orphanage in the morning and attended a birthday party for 25 children from the age of 6 to 15 years old. The atmosphere was very regimental. The boss of the orphanage shouted at Zag for filming and made him come upstairs with us. The room was silent. All the children were girls, and they all had their hair the same. It looked like a pineapple coming out of the tops of their head. The party was very strange. The children seemed very scared about what they were allowed to do, so took a good half an hour before they realized they were allowed to have some fun.
I sat and played to my audience, playing with the food and putting Jaffa
Had dinner in a Japanese restaurant. The downstairs was very elaborate, even to the extent that the urinals had ice in them! I’ve never had my penis on ice before, so it was quite pleasant! There were even small rock pools and exotic plants scattered around. We all made our way upstairs to be greeted by 2 huge tables set out with a cooking area in the middle. I wasn’t really sure what was happening until it had happened.
It went so quick! Out of nowhere came a chef with a trolley full of food, all the staff were screaming and cheering, it was like a competition between the 2 chefs, one would throw something up in the air and catch it in his hat and then the other would have to go one step better. There was cheering and shouting, eggs, knives and chicken all being thrown about. I threw an egg at the chef and he head-butted it and broke it onto the cooker! There was one point where they throwing oil onto the cooking area causing it to flame up at least 3 feet into the air. It was very entertaining but at the end of the day all I wanted was something to eat, and when the food was finally finished, it was a very tiny portion.
There was a dessert but what it was I cannot remember, something with cream I think? I was more concerned about the throwing of machetes and the sudden bursts of fire! I must say it was one of the most bizarre experiences so far. Some of the group went off in the afternoon to be tourists and visit the Kremlin, so I opted for clowning in Red Square !
There was about 30 of us including Patch, and I must say looking back, the whole afternoon was the most surreal thing I have ever done. We all got off the coach and wandered off, stopping traffic on our way. Patch stopped a black limo and stuck his bum through the window while I was running after a bride and groom who were just about to have their wedding photos taken in front of the Kremlin. The bride was beautiful, and took it all in good spirit. I was on top form. The adrenaline rush that I was getting was propelling me to push myself more and more, and before I knew it, there were 100’s of people coming from all directions, having photos taken with us and singing and dancing.
Patch tapped me on the shoulder and said “Group photo quick then get out of here, the KGB have threatened to call the police if we don’t leave!”. So all 30 of us vacated Red Square , some quicker than others! I ran as fast as my huge clown shoes would carry me and hid in the doorway of the nearest shopping centre. I popped my head around the corner to see Patch and 6 or 7 others being arrested and pushed into the back of a police van. There was nothing any of us could do, apart from keep on clowning.
Patch had 3 translators with him, along with 2 camera men and 3 other clowns, as well as a rubber fish and his trousers filled with balloons!
We carried on clowning in the shopping centre. I did 40 minutes ad-lib on my own outside a beauty treatment shop, while the other clowns watched and sat and had ice cream and coffee and basically got themselves together after what had just happened.
John was full of praise, he had been watching me all morning. I found a coat stand in the café with a hanger on so I hung myself on that for 20 minutes!
Later that day we all met back at the coach then Patch turned up. He had been taken to police head quarters in Siberia and put in a cell, but they basically had to pay to be released. They was arrested because they were clowns, no other reason!
Eduardo, one of the other clowns with Patch, managed to smuggle back the tapes they had taken of off us, he hidden them in his pants and socks!
I gave Patch a hug and he explained how they started the interrogation by shouting and ended it all by dancing and clapping, he just clowned while he was in there. I think the interpreters did all the work. I heard Patch say later that day he had been coming to Russia
I went to see the Moscow Circus that night. I found it very strange for several reasons.
The first was the presence of animals. I had not seen a circus with animals in my adult life, and I can say I wasn’t impressed at all, in-fact it just made me feel uncomfortable. The second was while I was engrossed in this strange array of acts, I was fronted by an image which will be with me for a long time.
I have a very strange fear which started about 10 years ago. This is not something I like to speak about because despite it being a laughing matter to most people, it reoccurs in my dreams and just really disturbs me. It is often laughed about by my mother, who is the ringleader of the problem. I admit it seems silly, but it’s the images which I don’t like. I can look at them but not for too long or else I get fixated and that’s when my mind and imagination goes into overtime. I would visit my mother and have great difficulty avoiding this fear as it is all over her flat.
I know I am not alone as I have met people with the same phobia. I have also recently discovered there are many websites on how it disturbs hundreds of people. Ok, the problem is an American lady named Anne Geddes , ring a bell? She has made her living by taking photographs of newly born babies. This I can handle. What is more beautiful and amazing to look at than a new born baby? The gift of creation, fantastic! It’s the novelty photos which scare me, the babies are in watering cans, babies dressed up as root vegetables and animals etc. It’s the connection of the same 2 items together which make it disturbing for me, which makes it pleasant and amusing for other people.
So, as I sat watching the circus, out from behind a curtain appears a small carriage being drawn by a pony. Sitting on the front was a goat tied into an upright position wearing a hat with a feather in, plus a matching shirt, tie, jacket and trousers.
Sitting in the carriage itself were another 2 goats one dressed as a groom, including a winged collar shirt and cravat and tailcoat and a button hole, plus the bride goat in full wedding dress, veil and bouquet! These were also strapped into an upright position
I didn’t speak for hours, it was horrible. It wasn’t babies but it was animals dressed as humans which turned out to be as equally as disturbing!
I did some clowning in the reception of hotel when I got back to try to get the scary goat image out of my head. I sat and drew a caricature of Patch and finally got to bed about 2!
Saturday 6th November
Today was the most emotional day by far, even though breakfast was fairly good.
Went to reception met a new Russian lady clown named Ira. I hadn’t seen her before. She works most days, so can only clown occasionally. I gave Patch my drawing, he kissed me and said it was divine but carried on to say “I know that man, he’s wanted by the police!”.
The orphanage in the morning was a heart breaker for a lot of people.
There were about four hundred kids there in total. We were taken to around one hundred of them. Some kids were in beds in messed nappies just waiting to be changed, one little boy was tied to a chair with a pair of tights. He was only 4 years old.
I wandered off with Ira and another clown to find a room with 3 teenage girls in. They were alone and all confined to bed. They all had cerebal palsy. There was very little communication and they was all wore nappies and were covered in stained and damp blankets. It was another one of these situations where I just had to dive in and try what ever my heart told me to do. I wasn’t expecting a reaction, but to my surprise, I got a lot more than I bargained for.
I started to sing and I began stroking one of the girls hair and eventually she gave me a smile. She then said something to me which made Ira laugh and cover her face with her hands. I was curious of what had been said and why it got the reaction that it did. She then held my hand and said something else, Ira was laughing and was bright red “what?” I said “what is she saying?”. Ira had trouble translating, she couldn’t find the right words, but it turned out the girl had Tourettes Syndrome and she was telling me that I was a whore! Well what ever she was saying it was making her happy so I just stood there and took the abuse. She was holding so tightly to my hand I didn’t think she would let go. Before I left she gave me a hug, I covered her up with the blanket and she started to drift back to sleep
One clown tells me of a group of children in a ward where all of the children were held in straight jackets. “I still see a young boy in my minds eye; he is with me every day as
I hope that the bindings which fastened him are released. I spent some
time with him when I noticed him grunt at a staff member who then threw
some bread at him, he then tried to pick it up with his mouth. He was
damp under those blankets, heavily sedated and smelly; I fed him and
held him. My heart will never has let him go.”
I hope that the bindings which fastened him are released. I spent some
time with him when I noticed him grunt at a staff member who then threw
some bread at him, he then tried to pick it up with his mouth. He was
damp under those blankets, heavily sedated and smelly; I fed him and
held him. My heart will never has let him go.”
Some of us then went to the building adjacent, which was where the orphans moved to when they turned 18. They are never allowed out and they are given medicine to make them sleep, to make them easier to control and also a tablet to decrease there sexual desire and their hormones. There was roughly 12 of them, slightly aggressive yet exited to see us. They was all in a very small room, which contained some seating, a pool table, a TV and 4 cartoon videos. There was a wall unit with toys on, but the toys were still in boxes and could only to be looked at.
Lilly got groped by one of them who had probably never seen a female under the age of 50 in his life! The others were very exited and grabbed at everything.
There was one boy who sat on his own in a corner, and didn’t mix at all with any of the others. He was deafblind and sat with pieces of paper making these amazing sculptures of animals by hand, no glue or tape or scissors, just his mind and his hands.
The accuracy and sheer talent was phenomenal, he was totally in his own world and was producing works of art.
We had lunch in hotel Iris where I ate bread and salad!
The afternoon was most unexpected and incredibly traumatic. It turns out that this was an orphanage with hidden extras. Downstairs was pretty much like the rest of the place. Zag met up with me and we went for a walk. First we found just rooms and rooms of people just waiting to die. There were 4 beds to a room, and they was just left. I watched Patch from a doorway and he went in speaking to them, although he was getting no response, he was stroking there hair and singing to them. The man he was with was blind and motionless. He then asked a translator to tell him that his name was Patch, and that he loved him then he got her to ask him his name.
I went from room to room doing my best, but feeling angry with the situation.
I was disturbed by what I was seeing, this wasn’t on TV, or a film, or even 50 years ago, this was now. My confidence went for a moment, so I watched Patch.
I walked into this room with Zag, and placed my hand on this girls head, and started to stroke and sing. God knows what I sung. All her body was bent up and out of shape, she was about 16, and she was just bone. There was sick and dribble on her pillow, and she was wearing a nappy which needed to be changed. I was really nervous and scared.
I think it was the thought of maybe not reaching her and not getting a reaction would really knock me back. But I kept glancing at Patch, and I kept stroking and singing and stroking and singing. And just when I thought that there was no way I would get a response, her head turned and she smiled at me. At that moment, my heart fell out!
I turned to Zag and Estiban and we were all in floods of tears! We stumbled across a huge dirty staircase, so as we had not told about where we couldn’t go, we took a walk. We arrived at the top to find a huge long corridor beyond a old solid iron barred door, which was padlocked. There was a patient sitting on the floor the other side holding his face up against the bars of the door, waiting for company.
The nurse which sat our side of the gate put down her book and moaned a bit in Russian, got up and unlocked the door for us, we walked through , Zag Alan and I, she unlocked the padlock on the door and got back to her book. From this moment my insides lost control. We passed 7 or 8 rooms with 6 beds in each room. Each bed was filled with ill men, screaming, crying, bored, depressed and self harming. They had all been left, all waiting to die.
There was several patients in beds shouting at me and making noises. We reached a large open area which held about 100 men, all with the same hair cut and the same pyjamas. They all sat in rows staring at a small TV in the corner, watching a church service. I began to feel very threatened. We got dragged around by one man who was so happy to have company. He was so overwhelmed and very exited to have visitors. He was showing us around and he showed us a fan, his slippers, the light switches and then on to his wardrobe with his belongings in, which was a mug and a bar of soap.
He then walked us up to the far end of the corridor and showed us the smoking room.
There was 1 man in there walking round and around continuously. There was a trench worn into the floor because of the continual pattern they would walk for exercise as there were never allowed out.
I made connection with one man who was separated from the others. He was locked in a room on his own . His room had a wooden door and it was locked from the outside.
There was a very badly cut hole in the door just big enough for me to see his face. He was watching us, so I waved and did some magic for him to see. He looked very sad but he started to smile as he watched. I put my hand through the hole in the door and touched his face. At this point the man started crying. I bit my lip and moved on. This was the limit, I felt sick, scared and angry but also happy that I could make a difference by doing something so little. This day was so surreal. I was in a prison. There was a huge amount of suffering. They was all left to there own devices to do whatever they wanted. There was no staff in the ward with them, it was terrible.
Talking of suffering, we ate that night in what was supposedly a traditional Russian restaurant. I had a bread roll which bounced when I dropped it and some feta cheese. The rest of the buffet looked very suspect. I sat with Val, I needed that, my day was traumatic I needed someone to put the smile back on my face.
Went out that night to Moscow Russia 6am !
Sunday the 7th November
Ate breakfast and got on another coach. Spent the coach trip to Sergiev Postad asleep, recovering from the night before and the large amount of feta cheese I ate which turned out to be a great bowel opener!
Today was great. I was able to communicate a bit by sign and I learnt my name in Russian manual. It was an honour to be able to introduce what I do to all the other clowns who were totally ignorant to it all , especially Patch and Zag. To my surprise
Patch said deaf and dumb, which I soon corrected him on! I spent all day there, it was fantastic and one of the better places as far as standards go. The children are taught to read Braille from the age of 4. The age range went from toddlers up to 19 year old twins!
It was a great place with good facilities and a happy atmosphere. I did notice that not a lot of the nurses or helpers or whatever they were could sign, in fact I didn’t see any of the staff sign at all while I was there.
One lad, about 17 years old, was stood in a corner rocking up and down. I went over and placed his hands on my wig and a huge smile came to his face. I them moved his hands onto my tummy, so he could get an idea of my shape. I was banging my belly with his hand like a drum which made him laugh so I took off my wig and put this on his head and all of a sudden he stopped rocking, so I left it with him until the end of my visit. When I returned to him, I put his hand on my tummy again and he knew it was me, but the moment I took my wig back, he started rocking again.
I was also quite exited about meeting the famous deafblind twins who I had heard so much about. This turned out to be quite an anticlimax, they were really miserable and didn’t give any response to anyone, not even Patch. I dare say they get fed up with the constant attention, but their manual was like nothing I had ever seen. They were standing in rows of up to 4 people taking and giving with both hands at the same time!
It was the farewell dinner tonight before we travelled to St Petersburgh.
The meal was supposed to be Mexican, but it was mostly fish – unless it was Mexican fish?! Who knows! I spent most of the night clowning about. The night was good but very emotional. I am really starting to notice how many times I have said that, but its true! I was getting used to my tear ducts continually being turned on and off, it seemed to come with the territory!
Ira was there with her son Peter. I spent most of the night with her, she left and we kissed goodbye. She said she would be coming to the meal/meeting tomorrow so I would see her before I left. Maria had got Patch a really big cake with a picture of a clown on-what else, which he cut with his nose! And got cake all over his face!
There was also a wedding celebration happening in the same venue which was nice, although the bride and groom stood in the middle of the dance floor while people threw fruit at them, it was all a bit Monty Python!
I ate, drank and was merry for a good part of the evening. I spent some time alone just to take a step back from it all and to take in the atmosphere. I sat and chatted to a man who Patch had invited. He was sleeping in a box outside the Hard Rock Café when we went the other night, so Patch asked him along for the meal. He was full of stories and his English was good. He was dressed very smart, well, as smart as a well dressed tramp could be! I know that when he left Patch gave him 4 bags of food to take with him, mostly fruit I think, and also a quarter of the birthday cake!
Monday 8th November
The morning started as usual , we were all then split into 2 groups. Half of us went to a baby orphanage, while the other half went off in small groups of 2 or 3 and did house calls. We all visited mostly single parent families who were in dire situations, mainly illness and poverty. There is no help available over there from the government, so any operations would have to be paid for by the person themselves.
I went with John and a female Russian translator. The family we visited lived in an old high rise block of flats. We turned up on there doorstep baring gifts, mostly cake, juice and chocolate. We stopped off on the way and split the cost between myself and John.
We had to phone the family to help us find where they are as the flats all looked the same. The flat consisted of a hall, a toilet, a kitchen and 2 adjoining bedrooms.
It was really small and very congested. The lady had 3 children , a boy aged 5 and two girls aged 4 and 2. The youngest was born with one leg 2 inches longer than the other and she also had a hole in her heart. This is the reason her father left.
It was nice to be on such a personal level and be allowed into there homes. John spoke via the translator about the cost of operations and the level of the medical attention her daughter was getting, while I was being attacked from all directions by toys and balloons! The children were extremely exited and after 2 hours of madness I was ready for bed!
What I remember the most about this visit was the extreme appreciation through the faces of these children for the simple gifts which we had bought, the chocolate was worshipped like gold and also the baby determined to eat a huge piece of cream cake with her fingers with a huge smile on her face as she managed to put this cake everywhere except in her mouth, and within 10 minutes, she was wearing most of it!
The mum was very pleasant and thanked us all for coming, she gave us all a hug and a kiss goodbye. We left and I felt very drained yet, happy beyond belief that once again, I had done what I was there to do, and it felt good!
Had lunch in a Bulgarian restaurant, I had something which, when translated, was called “Road kill chicken“. They weren’t kidding! It tasted fine but looked disgusting. It looked similar to the contents of a chicken kebab, it was slithers of meat all joined together by fat! Mmm, nice!
Tonight would be our last night in Moscow
It was time for our first of what was called our Group Therapy Sessions, which had a slightly uncomfortable ring to it! It was basically all of us in a room in a circle, pouring our hearts out! Zag had mentioned he hated these, and often felt a bit stupid, but in a room full of clowns I could not see how this was possible. There was pizza and juice available as this meeting went on for about 3 hours.
It started with Patch just telling us what we had to do, and that we all had to speak, and if we didn’t he would know who was guilty and there would be trouble. I sat and prepared myself for what I felt was going to be something similar to a show and tell. Some told stories of experiences of days past, others mimed or sung. Some had written something especially for this gathering. I listened to each individual with great respect, taking everything in and watching everyone’s reactions.
Zag made his way out of his corner and said there was two moments which had touched him, one of them being the little girl in the aids orphanage who saw him crying, sitting on a step after he had his camera stolen. She approached him and gave him her balloon, and held out her hand and took Zags hand and brought him into the crowd so he wasn’t alone. The little girl was about 4 years old.
He then wanted to thank me for helping him with communication whilst he was at Sergiev Postad. He said what an amazing afternoon he had, at that point he burst into tears. He was overwhelmed with what he had seen that day. He now has more understanding of deafblindness, and he said he will make an effort to learn some sign.
Well this started my tear ducts rolling! Zag appeared to be your typical man, always thinking with his penis and rather gobby, yet underneath, I think he had been blessed the gift of the emotional side of his father, Patch. They were very well hidden so to see them bought out into the open was very beautiful. After this I had the general idea of what the next hour and a half was going to be like. The following two contributions were as equally as heart felt. Then two seats away from me was a young girl named Sierra stood to say her piece. Well I have never heard something so true and honest come out of a mouth so young. I was shocked and also a crying, shivering wreck. For someone of her age to have said the things which she said I was amazed.
Well, time passed and various people had all contributed, including a clown who is a psychiatrist, who did a very strange mime with fart noises which felt slightly odd!
I had no idea what I wanted to say, and to be honest if I actually could, as I was in a state after hearing all these tales of heart felt experiences. Well ,I took a breath and basically told the story of a man with no direction in life apart from following wherever he was guided and to make people smile, and how his journey started and how it had lead to a trip to Russia
I ended of course by bursting into tears once again, God I needed a hanky! When the meeting came to a close, my pizza was soggy. I felt like I had been to a funeral yet no one had died. I felt very strange, the room cleared and I was left to face Ira as she would not be coming to St Petersburg
We all went back to our rooms to get our luggage and made our way to the coach.
All of Maria’s children were lined up to say goodbye as we boarded the coach. I sat next to Alan and stared out of the window still feeling a bit emotional and numb.
I was looking for Ira, but could not see her. Alan asked if I was ok. I answered “I think so” The coach started up but still no Ira , then out of the hotel she came running towards the coach and started to climb the side of the coach while it was moving. She was crying and was shouting don’t go! She kissed the window where I sat then jumped off, due to the traffic. I think she would have stayed on there all the way to St Petersburg
I spent a good hour talking rubbish, trying to avert my mind away from what had just happened, or else I think I would have maybe never have come home, pesky women, how do they do it?!
Anyway back to reality. The coach arrived at the station, we all dragged our luggage to our platform and waited until we could board the overnight train. It looked very old, and actually getting on and into the allocated compartments was a bit of an ongoing process, it seemed to take for ever. The relay system of suitcases being passed up and down by 40 clowns must have looked like some weird world record attempt!
The compartments were small! There were 4 of us to each shoe box, 2 below and 2 up on bunks and there was only about 2 feet of space between beds, I was frightened to do up my shoe lace in-case somebody disappeared! The rooms were so small, most people stood out in the gangway and talked. I shared with Zag, Estiban and Alan.
I spent some much needed time alone writing my journal while 7 of them sat in next door compartment and talked for hours about sex, including Patch!
After a good hour I went for a walk to see what was happening elsewhere. The conversations on sex were still happening and were very graphic from what I heard, but Patch had moved back to his own room and was eating crackers with about 8 things piled up on the top including cheese, olives and raisins! We were all given a tray of pre-packed food which was placed on our beds. I tried some of it, but most of it still looked alive. After hours of chat, we all decided we needed to sleep and tomorrow was another day.
Due to various people eating too many olives, the wind factor in our room was very high, so none of us slept for ages due to a fits of the giggles !
Tuesday 9th November
Arrived in St Petersburg
In the afternoon we were all taken on a tour of the city which was interesting.
We came across a man with a bear! The bear has been chained up and you could pay and have your photo taken with it, which was slightly strange and very wrong. The poor bear was being dragged about from here to there not looking at all impressed.
It seemed the laws on animals were very different over there, especially after the circus goats in a wedding dress-yuk!
We had a coach tour of the city in the afternoon. We all ended up in a pizza restaurant, which was good, something I felt safe eating without worrying I would find a pulse! We waited ages and ages for our food, then to apologies the restaurant gave us what ever we ordered, again, but free! After sitting eating for nearly 2 hours we came out of the restaurant with 32 pizzas! So we all split out and gave the pizza out to passers by and various homeless people.
It was fun , everyone was really happy and I think it all went in about 15 minutes!
In the afternoon I had a sleep , and woke up to find I had slept through evening meal, everyone had left over 2 hours ago. I woke Alan as he was asleep too and we both decided that missing a meal wasn’t a bad thing and we decided to hunt for McDonalds
So we walked and walked and walked for 2 hours, until we found one next to a KFC and opposite a Pizza Hut!
It was very busy and much to our disappointment, the lady who served us didn’t understand “Big Mac“ so we had to eat whatever we could point to.
I had what I think was a quarter-pounder meal with cheese, fries and a drink with an apple pie for dessert. It came to about £1.60! When we sat down we were amazed to see that the whole of the restaurants was filled with parties. There was 2 huge birthday parties of adults either side of our table and behind us was a wedding reception, everyone was staring at us I felt so out of place. It appeared that McDonalds was slightly up market and somewhere you would only go for a special occasion. It felt very strange and it was half the price of what it is in the UK
We walked back a different way, well, we got lost! I Bought some more C.D’s. We arrived back at the hotel and everyone was back, asking if we were ok. Eduardo asked us if we would like a drink so we sat downstairs in the bar. The beer turned up and it was in a 3 pint glass. I was waiting for a seal to jump out and do a trick! Well I’m not a great drinker, 1 pint and I’m Shirley Bassey, so I took it slowly but the beer was strong, so I left the guys and went for a walk just around the outside of the hotel for some fresh air. Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time!
Well I must have been outside for about 5 minutes and a police van pulled up and 4 Russian police jumped out of the van and pinned me up against the wall!
They searched my pockets and socks, and ran there hands around the waistband of my trousers, they made me take of my shoes and socks and also undo my shirt! They asked me for my passport which I said was in the hotel, they asked which hotel and I pointed. They had a talk amongst themselves. They seemed suspicious of me because I had no coat on, they kept asking “where your coat, why no coat?” I said I’m not cold, they said something in Russian then got back into the van and left.
I walked quickly back to the hotel and mentioned to Patch what had happened, and he laughed, he said I bet it was because you had no coat on. He said you don’t feel the cold, your like me. I’ve never felt the cold, that’s why I was wearing shorts in November in Russia
Well, what an eventful evening! I made my way up to my room still slightly shaken from my happenings with Cagney and Lacey! I Watched some more Russian MTV and chatted to Alan for a while, then slowly drifted of to sleep
Wednesday 10th November
Well the day started of somewhat of a problem! Due to myself and Alan missing dinner last night, we had no tickets for breakfast, so we just sat in the lobby while clowns smuggled us out what ever they could fit in there hats! The idea was good at the time, but when the food was actually bought to us, I was reminded how unappealing the breakfasts where and wish they hadn’t bothered! We had a walk out to get some fresh air and Julian was almost mugged. A lady made him aware that a man was trying to cut the over-the-shoulder strap on his camera. The man soon went away after pleading he didn’t do anything
We went to a hospital in the morning. It was very big and very dirty. The highlight of my day was being stuck in a very tiny lift with the fattest woman I have ever met. She wore a head scarf and smelt a bit of pickled something! To add to the fun, I wasn’t the only one in the lift, in-fact there was about eight of us and I think the lift was so old it was worked by mice! We ended up climbing out and leaving the lady to go back down in the lift as she would not fit.
We had a lovely dinner in a place named The Comedians Bar. Even though it was mostly beetroot it was ok. Patch asked if I thought I would be able to cope with accompanying him to the aids orphanage in the afternoon. He wanted me to go with him and I was all for it. It seems that whatever was put in my way, the results that I got would pull me through, and, because of this it became an adrenalin rush to keep going and pushing myself more and more. Patch had been out the night before to visit friends and one of them had come with us today to come out clowning with us. Her name was Sophie and she was a ballerina and danced with the Moscow
She had really knocked me out. I had never seen anything so beautiful. I had to bring myself back down to earth quite quickly as we had arrived at the orphanage. It was out in the middle of a huge field. There was one road, which went straight past it, but there was no sign of any other life for as far as the eye could see.
The hospital housed children with aids, as well as mothers who had aids. The age range was from 7 months to about 7 years old. There was apparently 400 children there, but we were only shown about 50 of them. Before we started, I had a walk around the building and the grounds and waved to the children and women which we didn’t have any access to. We met some of the mothers and we also got shown some of the living quarters where there was also lots of babies.
Zag left the group to go back to the coach, while he was outside a car pulled up and stole his camera. This really affected him and he came back inside in an awful state. Patch went outside with him and spent ages sitting in the coach talking to him. They both came back inside but Zag was still in pieces and he sat on some stairs crying. One of the little girls noticed him crying and approached him sitting on the step. She stopped and stared and offered Zag her balloon. Well, this made Zag cry even more. She then took his hand and bought him over to the rest of the group. This was one of those magic moments which, once again, hit hard on the heart.
The evening meal was at a restaurant called Rasputin. The meal was chicken and rice I think. The restaurant was full from wall to wall with very erotic paintings, that when seen up close, became slightly disturbing and rather off putting! I sat opposite a clown called Adriana who was from Holland UK
Patch approached us both and asked us if we would like to go to the Church of Rock with him later that night, we both said yes, despite the fact that we had no idea what it was. Still, it sounded exiting, so we both said yes. We were asked not to mention it to the others as the places were limited Later that evening the chosen few met in the lobby of the hotel. It was all a bit top secret! There was about 10 of us in total including Patch, Zag and Wildman. We travelled and clowned on the tube and got fined for taking photos, any excuse to take money from us!
We all stopped off at a shop and bought gifts to take with us as a token of kindness - wine, cheese, chocolate etc - to present to the man who lived in this Church of Rock
Patch approached me and gave me a hug. He said “you know you are very special to me, you my friend are my naughty bits clown!”. He compared me a lot to him and how we clown very similar. I loved compliments, especially from Patch!
We arrived to a tiny little flat that was in a very built up area. The door opened to reveal a very hairy man who was ever so happy to see all of us, even though he didn’t know all of us! As his front door opened, it lead to reveal the biggest collection of Beatles memorabilia that I had ever seen in my life. It was everywhere, if there was a space, there was something stuck in it. On the floor and hanging from the ceiling, he had books, costumes, toys, letters, C.D’s, videos, old promo cut outs and paintings. He even had some of John Lennon’s original clothes, all with certificates of authenticity.
The flat was full, every time I turned round I seemed to knock something over! I doubted that Feng Shui will never be an option!
There was a round table in the middle of the room which was crammed with models, food, candles and garlic. the centre piece was an old statue of Elvis Presley. I was in the house of the man who was responsible for bringing rock and roll to Russia
Well, the night consisted of a drink, a toast, then a Beatles song. Then another drink, another toast then another song and so on and so on… Well we arrived at 7 and we left at about 1:30 the following morning! The drink had taken its toll, and myself and Adriana became very close, despite people throwing up to “yellow submarine…” Some of us headed back, others stayed including Patch. The evening was really emotional and for some one who has never liked the Beatles I had a great time. But God knows what I had been drinking, it was slightly potent and that night I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.
Thursday 11th November
Up and out but gave breakfast a miss due to lack of interest. The hospital we visited today was once again still stuck in the 70’s. It was very big and easy to get lost in, but the standard was well below and looked like it should have been shut years ago.
Lunch consisted of a very nice looking restaurant with old suits of armour and lovely décor but the food was once again a talking point!
The starter was lovely feta cheese salad, which was fine. The main course was a large clay pot, which looked like something Winnie The Pooh may have in his cupboard.
On the top of this pot was a 2 inch thick layer of pastry, which took a crow bar to get past, and to be quite honest I wish I hadn’t bothered! Some say it was beef, some say it was chicken, the pot was so big and dark you couldn’t see what you were eating until it was to late. Until this day I have no idea what it was …..
My disappointment of dinner was soon enlightened by a street trader who had a small stall outside selling Moomins that walked when they were put at the top of a slope, so of course I had to buy 2!
After lunch, back to the coach and off we went again to our next hospital.
Myself, Zag and Alan went off and did a lot of filming in the hospital grounds.
It was a strange situation, because sometimes I felt there was to much clowning going on in one place, so I was always prepared to move on, to a less crowded area.
Besides, I didn’t want to keep relying on other clowns to keep my confidence up. I enjoyed working alone, I think that is when the real magic happened.
Eventually everyone poured out of the hospital and back onto the coach. I ended up sitting next to the ballerina which was an amazing stroke of luck, although I just kept staring which wasn’t good, and all she did was keep laughing at me which was great for my self esteem!
I had a real bad migraine that night so I opted not to go eat with the group. They went out for a pizza, I think I just needed time to unwind All this emotion which I was experiencing for the first time was just building up and up and didn’t really hit me until I got back into the UK
Went back to hotel watched MTV, checked to see if the water in the bathroom taps was still brown, yes, and then went to bed
Friday 12th November
I awoke as I did most mornings, feeling that I didn’t want to get out of bed.
But then I would click where I was and what today would bring and a smile would slowly appear on my face
I did breakfast, God knows why! The morning news was that Dory the clown had to go to hospital. She was suffering from bad pains in her side. Patch had been to see her and thinks it was due to the water. She was putting off going to hospital, but it was the best thing for her, so one of the clowns went with her who was a doctor and also an interpreter.
We all boarded the coach and off we went. Our first hospital was good, but we had trouble to gain entrance as there was lot of security who were all heavily armed. They stopped us going in and caused a lot of commotion. We were forever having trouble, they seemed to like using their authority even if it was never really necessary. I think it was something they used before the fall of communism and now they just used it because they could, not because there was ever a need. The hospital was once again very dirty and smelly. We were supposed to visit two wards but one was full of flu so could only visit one of them, which was a shame.
Saturday 13th November
We were all supposed to attend the Siege museum which tells the story of the nazi 900 day siege during World War 2, but the chance came up for us to go and visit some other hospitals and orphanages so that’s what we did, there was no comparison really.
We all then went to a small village named Pushkin where we visited Alexandra’s Palace. The security made us wait 1 hour in the queue in the rain before we could enter. They knew that we were coming and were booked in at a certain time slot but once again they made us wait because they could. Still, this gave us more time to clown in the queue, Patch even managed to get past the guards with guns and was dancing around in a restricted area.
We eventually got in and the palace was a wonder to see but after 5 minutes of gazing at all this lavish furniture and everything covered in gold leaf and encrusted with amber, it all seemed to mean nothing. Looking at it all, I think that even just one square foot of this place would be enough money to feed or clothe half of the orphans I had seen previously, what a waste.
Lunch was at the traditional Podvorye restaurant which looked like a shed in the middle of a field! It was a huge log building and when we entered we had to walk through the main dinning hall to get to the downstairs area where we were all seated.
Well, 40 clowns passing through a room full of people was obviously not going to go unnoticed, and to help the situation there was live music being played and people in traditional costume dancing around. Everyone was clapping and cheering as one at a time we went through and waved. I got on a table and danced(with a rubber chicken on my head, of course), the atmosphere was fantastic, which is more than I can say for the food!
After lunch we travelled to an orthopaedic hospital which was the second place that I would say had some standards. The first being Sergiev Postad, the deafblind orphanage. When we arrived the manager/head doctor came aboard our coach and welcomed us to his hospital. He said the children had been up most of the night, exited and waiting for the clowns. We all went in and we was all issued with plastic covers to put over our shoes which is OK if your foot wear was of normal size, but slightly difficult if your shoes are 25 inches long! Once in we all seemed to be standing around waiting, so I just did what I did best and wandered off to see what I could find. I went up two flights of stairs and stuck my head round a door to find a room with about 30 teenage girls in, some with their mothers.
The girls were all lying flat in bed, all with shaven heads. They all had metal head braces on which were held to their heads with like a clamp either side, this metal framework went all the way down to their feet and connected them to the bed at the top and at the bottom. Later in the day I asked Patch what it was all for and he told me that it helped to straighten their spine. Meanwhile, these poor girls couldn’t move in any direction, all they had was the use of there arms and hands. They all had small hand mirrors on there beds which they used to look around the room. I went around shaking hands or kissing the hands of the mothers. I was on my own again with a captive audience. I could not imagine what it was like for these girls, some of them had been in there for up to 7 months waiting for an operation. As I left, I kissed a mother on the cheek and ran out pretending to be embarrassed when I tripped over some weights which were positioned at the bottom of the beds to help hold the metal framework in position. I went flying into the wall and when I got up and turned around the door was swung open and it smacked me in the face. Well it couldn’t have been funnier if I had planned it, the whole room was laughing really loudly and pointing at me. When I got up and peered round the door to see who it was, there stood the beautiful ballerina. She pranced (for the want of a better word) in to the room and plugged in her stereo and started to dance. The girls faces lit up watching her perform.
By now I was outside and trying to balance a rubber chicken on my head. I then went back in and bowed and she did a curtsey and we danced. I tried to pick her up and pretended to have hurt my back and hobbled back to the doorway. There was one girl behind the door who was crying with laughter at the chicken on my head! So I kept peeping round the door at her and she kept laughing. She asked me my name and she told me hers. Her English was very good, her mother said some of them have been learning English while they had been in hospital.
It was nearly time to go and the group had all assembled downstairs. Something inside of me was telling me that the chicken on my head would be not coming back to England with me, I asked one of the translators if she could come upstairs with me as I wanted to give this chicken to the girl I had just met for her to remember me by. We went upstairs and the translator told her about the chicken and the girl burst into tears. I gave her a hug and made my way back down. It was an amazing hospital, the staff and the patients were all so friendly and all very happy that we had made time to visit them.
The evening meal was at a Georgian restaurant. The food was as per normal, bland, indescribable and beetroot! There was also an option later on in the evening for anyone who wished to attend the ballet, or there was also tickets available to go and see Pavarotti, but if I wanted to see a fat bloke sing I’d stand in front of a mirror and save myself £70!
Sunday 14th November
The morning started as usual with that very poor excuse which they called breakfast. To be honest I was a bit sick and fed up of it by now. If it wasn’t for the uncertainty of what meals the day would bring, I would have gladly given up breakfast from day one, but it was important that I had something inside me, even if it was pickled and resembled dog food! We had our final meeting at 9am that lasted until12:30pm, at least I knew now what to expect and was ready for tears.
This was the last supper as it were, our final gathering were all of us would be present.
Each of us was encouraged, as before, to speak, sing, act or whatever it took to share our experiences, emotional and physical, from the past week.
I didn’t cry this time which surprised me! Although I was close a few times. I didn’t plan anything, I just opened my mouth and see what happened. Due to me feeling relaxed with the people I was among, I was myself 100% and the words which flew out of my mouth even amazed me! I think I looked into my heart and saw what I had achieved, and it was something that I was completely passionate about.
I was happy with my performance and what I could do and what a difference I could make all on my own. I just broke down what we did as individuals, and then I matched it up with the results with what our actions had achieved. When this is broken down in such a way, it makes you more confident and more aware of the need and how easy and simple it is to achieve a result.
I compared the actions of a man with 50 balloons down his trousers and a duck on his head, knowing he would receive a smile from a dying child, or that the fat clown with a rubber chicken on his head would instantly raise the spirits of a ward full of teenagers who were paralysed from the neck down. The meeting finished and Patch approached me and he told me he loved me again and flung his arms around me. He said that I was so like him when he was younger.
Dinner was in the hotel and once again was strange yet slightly edible, it almost looked liked chicken and chips, Though I’m not sure it was!
The afternoon was our own so a few of us set off to the local flea market for a leisurely stroll to look for souvenirs. The stalls were all very similar and after 5 minutes the wooden Russian dolls became les and less appealing, even though I bought 2, one with different Spiderman characters on and one with various horror film icons on, Freddie, Jason etc. I also bought a small Spiderman one for one of the other clowns to take back to her patient in Malibu
Arrived back at the hotel and had some free time up till 7pm so I had another stroll, on my own this time, and went into a supermarket and bought some cigarettes for my dad. They were predominantly American brands with the odd Russian brand but none the less they worked out at about 50p a packet! I also noticed that absinthe was openly available over there with about 20 different brands to chose from, so I bought 4 miniature bottles and a bottle of vodka for my mum, which turned out to be a very similar toxic waste! The absinthe also turned out to be somewhat similar, I consumed a miniature bottle one evening after my return and woke up naked in my kitchen laying on the floor, wearing a pair of swimming goggles and holding a table tennis bat in each hand!
The end of the trip is all a bit of a blur apart from my goodbyes. The Sunday evening was an amazing night, held at the famous Chaplin Club. We had a huge buffet which consisted of fruit and salads and an amazing ham which was rolled up on a huge plate and when I bit into it, I discovered it was filled with garlic stuff! It was horrid
We then had a band and I had a dance with the ballerina but I was a bit distant from Adriana as I was upset that tomorrow we would be us saying our goodbyes. The band asked if anyone wanted to get up and sing, so up I got I did a garlic ham breathe rendition of Johnny Be Good, followed by Blue Suede Shoes. We then had a cabaret, with puppets and some amazing clowns that were just fantastic. The night then continued with more music and drinking until the early hours of the morning.
The two weeks were finally coming to a close, when I read back at all that happened, I see now how important our social events were, without these I feel a lot of us would have given up in the first two days. I think it was also helped by the type of people with whom I was working with, yeah ok, maybe a bit mad from a distance, but there was a certain feel to the group, and they was all so very real, what you see is what you got. There was nothing false, everyone got along and I felt that I could talk to anyone of them if I had a problem.
There was an amazing amount of love which doesn’t exist in many places anymore. In the UK
When Zag and Estiban visited me earlier in the year they were both amazed on how much society conformed, everyone is so scared to be different in-case they are challenged. WHY? Well, it’s easier for them all to be the same, think, dress and behave as everyone else does. This means you are instantly considered an outcast if you do not fit in with everybody else. This is why, if you have the nerve, going against the crowd can make such an impact.
Its going back to basics, it’s saying hello to a stranger, it’s waving to a child, it showing a complete stranger that you care. It’s all of these things which people have long forgotten because people are too scared to go that extra mile. The appearance is the initial ice breaker, then you are in. Wonderful things can be achieved who ever you may be.
It all seemed easier to do in Russia
Monday 15th November
I was up at about 6am and had breakfast. Most of the group were due to depart at 10 but my flight wasn’t until later on in the day. I had said my farewells to the ballerina the night before all that was left was to say goodbye to Adriana.
I will never understand how women work. At home, my dress sense is presentable, I work nine to five and lead a slightly normal life, but nothing! The amount of women that show any interest in me I can count on a mitten! Send me to Russia
So out I went for the last time to breathe in the amazing Russian air. I bought some more presents for people at home and I bought a single yellow rose for Adriana which I had hidden in my inside pocket. This seemed like a good idea at the time until I nearly pierced my nipple! The clowns were slowly gathering, everyone was very sad and emotional. Zag and Estiban were coming with me as they were not going back to the States. They were off home to Chile New Zealand
I went around cuddling and kissing everyone at least 5 times. Valerie and Sierra came and gave me a hug. They was both in tears. I kept looking at Adriana but didn’t really want to say goodbye until I had to. The coach arrived and they all started to grab there luggage and leave , I gave Adriana her rose and she gave me a hug, she said she didn’t want to leave. My beautiful ballerina made her way on to the coach and found her seat and waved to me through the window.
I made my way back inside everyone was on the coach now except one, they were all waiting on one person who was standing in the middle of the hotel lobby. I entered the hotel and saw Patch just standing there looking at me, he had his arms open I said “I hate goodbyes” to which he started to shout “well if you don’t want to give me a hug you can bugger off, go on, piss of back to England, get out of here!” He gave ma a hug and told me he loved me again, and said that this was just the beginning and that we would work together again, he said he had no doubt of that at all. He left me feeling cold. I boarded the coach and Zag came out to see if I was OK. Our taxi arrived and we made our way to the airport. I was still in a bit of a mess but I was glad that I had some company, these Russian airports were a bit much!
Customs was once again a problem. I was waiting for them to ask me to strip down to my pants! We left, Zag, Estiban, myself and Pat boarded our planes. The journey was very boring, there was no film, just constant emergency videos and lots of turbulence, which was very encouraging!
When I arrived in the UK
My parents were in my flat waiting for me when I got home which was great. I was so happy to see them and really appreciated having a family after what I had just seen.
The trip was a completely life changing experience, and thanks to what I had experienced, I now had the confidence and the drive to continue my work and to look at things in a different way and also to appreciate my life and everything in it. A day doesn’t pass when I don’t think about Russia UK
The day after I arrived home I went to Morrison’s with my parents. I sat and ate my lunch while I watched some man with a terrible attitude storm up to the lady behind the counter and complain that his glass of coke was to flat…..
Some people haven’t got a clue just how lucky they really are.
